AbsoluteBarstool

A bloke. Into F1, unprovoked sexism, guns. If you're looking through my profile to screengrab random shit, then enjoy.

Hi Mom.

[AbsoluteBarstool @AbsBarstool]

@chimneysweap @anon_opin I don't smoke, but I've stood in some pretty busy smoking areas and can confidently say that it's not worth flying into a piss over

[AbsoluteBarstool @AbsBarstool]

@monster_urby @fesshole Basically everyone in England says 'shoes with a hook-and-loop fastening system' though...

[AbsoluteBarstool @AbsBarstool]

@gelatoalmelone @NoContextHumans If my ball goes down the lane I'm standing at, it's a coincidence – but I still enjoy it plenty

[AbsoluteBarstool @AbsBarstool]

@anon_opin There does seem to be an alarming lack of sensing equipment informing the phasing of most traffic lights in the UK, especially ones on motorway junctions.

Then again, if I'm making any kind of journey or commute at night, I find myself savouring the process a bit more.

[AbsoluteBarstool @AbsBarstool]

@ChaponaBike123 What kind of hazard is 35 in an empty 20 zone? Do you just love pointless box-ticking and wasting time that much or are you simply a horrible person? Your response seems to suggest the latter.

[AbsoluteBarstool @AbsBarstool]

@anon_opin The people that are alive today didn't do any colonising. To be fair, we just want things to settle down a bit so there's no more cultural degradation going on.

[AbsoluteBarstool @AbsBarstool]

@fesshole I am decisively apathetic about such things, even though my last job was spent as a redundant head.

[AbsoluteBarstool @AbsBarstool]

@ColtaineCrow @anon_opin £5.00 to return £8.75?

[AbsoluteBarstool @AbsBarstool]

@StephenHynds @sniffpetrol Un ts ah ts un ts ah ts

[AbsoluteBarstool @AbsBarstool]

@anon_opin What a tragic waste of talent that'd be.

[AbsoluteBarstool @AbsBarstool]

@anon_opin What about Eouáín?

[AbsoluteBarstool @AbsBarstool]

@BlackPanthaaYT @Haz_572 A mate of mine says that his estate car gets him from Longbridge to Solihull faster and easier than any kind of transport at the moment, which sounds a bit posh

[AbsoluteBarstool @AbsBarstool]

@MikeyCycling Dunno why people seem to think that priority equals licence to injure or kill – and even at that, they can't grasp that other road users still have the responsibility to give cyclists space and overtake them safely. Brutal levels of apathy on display here.

[AbsoluteBarstool @AbsBarstool]

@Rinpuia99 @IcyShimbiris @SkyNews It is, even if it's a reprehensible thing to say. His real mistake was saying it as a representative of his employer. That's absolutely out of order.

[AbsoluteBarstool @AbsBarstool]

@SkyNews Espousing political opinions during hours when he's a representative of TfL. What an absolute weapon he is

[AbsoluteBarstool @AbsBarstool]

@anon_opin Even if that was the case, then some arseholes would still be driving up the motorway in the middle lane at 64mph and causing all sorts of jams and issues. Speeding genuinely isn't the issue 99% of the time.

[AbsoluteBarstool @AbsBarstool]

@greentexts_bot An hero. Jesus - I haven't heard that one in bloody ages! Also yeah. My first experience, we both came 50 times and then got married the next day. Everyone clapped.

[AbsoluteBarstool @AbsBarstool]

@SneakEnergy I do that most of the time, except when I'm eating pork scratchings

[Professor Karol Sikora @ProfKarolSikora]

The Welsh Government banning certain 'unhealthy' items from meal deals?

Telling supermarkets where to place some foods in the shop? Such nonsense.

Here's a mad idea...

Get out of people's lives and let adults decide for themselves?

[AbsoluteBarstool @AbsBarstool]

@DirtDawg69 @r3c1d1v1st @anon_opin I remember most of my time suffering through school being tormented in every way by the kids while the pastoral staff simply either took the piss out of me for the privilege or put me through the disciplinary process. My mental health has been complete garbage ever since.