jeff

follow me to die instantly (except blu)

[jeff @ActuallyEndMe]

you're masturbating and your little sister walks in. wyd?

[bill wurtz @billwurtz]

my girlfriend bought my bed from me, for a really great price. now i'm rich, and i sleep in the fridge

[bill wurtz @billwurtz]

if the judge forgets to bring his hammer thing to court, he can't make anyone guilty

[bill wurtz @billwurtz]

celebrities react to mild displeasure and inconvenience

[bill wurtz @billwurtz]

went to so many websites with cookies i almost passed out because of how much it improved my browsing experience

[bill wurtz @billwurtz]

jack and jill went up the hill, just kidding the earth is flat

[bill wurtz @billwurtz]

what are ghosts scared of? that's right, robot ghosts taking all the ghost jobs

[bill wurtz @billwurtz]

scientists have invented a book so small you can't even read it

[bill wurtz @billwurtz]

thank you for calling 9-1-1. please download our app for all the best emergencies, emergency related news, and fun emergency games

[jeff @ActuallyEndMe]

@somefiowerboi 'might'

[bill wurtz @billwurtz]

it's too bad 95% of the universe is outside of tupperware, and therefore will not stay fresh

[Sonic the Hedgehog @sonic_hedgehog]

A model hero.

[Sonic the Hedgehog @sonic_hedgehog]

You’ve heard of [generic rhyming holiday book], now get ready for…

[jeff @ActuallyEndMe]

i think i might genuinely kill myself.

goodbye. . . ?

[jeff @ActuallyEndMe]

@DeplorableCunt no i cba to wait for norion to come on lul heres my alt

[jeff @ActuallyEndMe]

@DeplorableCunt why not

[jeff @ActuallyEndMe]

@DeplorableCunt Haven't seen it before

[jeff @ActuallyEndMe]

@xBlueMoa nah it all works now

[jeff @ActuallyEndMe]

@xBlueMoa no you are liv no w look at bio

[jeff @ActuallyEndMe]

@xBlueMoa @FoxyThePirate37 don't even have a little sister

[jeff @ActuallyEndMe]

@xBlueMoa wait no dont die