Adam Long

[Adam Long @AdamLong]

http://t.co/RcNF2JB10S Face it. Our planet is bipolar.

[Adam Long @AdamLong]

I'm guessing Minnie uses mouse pads when it's that time of the month. http://t.co/gV7aEWBpj0

[Adam Long @AdamLong]

http://t.co/1ysyjwOixp Accidentally triple-knotted my laces so I guess I'm wearing these shoes for the rest of my life.

[Adam Long @AdamLong]

http://t.co/8hGEAx0pwf The "PB&HJ" looked better on the menu. They really do have everything at the Cheesecake Factory.

[Adam Long @AdamLong]

If Betty White killed someone, I wouldn't turn her in. http://t.co/QCo3mSb233

[Adam Long @AdamLong]

http://t.co/VJpQPoRjpg Pretty sure that Twitter is not one of the seven habits of highly effective people.

[Adam Long @AdamLong]

I feel lazier than the guy who drew the Japanese flag. http://t.co/B7PtBAdh3s

[Adam Long @AdamLong]

http://t.co/VS8EHOCGS4 Rubbing my ass on these documents because the boss's email says to "cheek his paperwork".

[Adam Long @AdamLong]

http://t.co/4kUkUgTQB3 I'm writing a horror movie about realizing that I left my phone at home.

[Adam Long @AdamLong]

http://t.co/DCDLtngxEL "It's not you, it's me. " - twins looking at family photos

[Adam Long @AdamLong]

If you have more than zero bumper stickers on your car you have too many. http://t.co/4FtUZr7UTt

[Adam Long @AdamLong]

If you have more than zero bumper stickers on your car you have too many. http://t.co/NlgNl0EiNr

[Adam Long @AdamLong]

http://t.co/KoMRCqvScL Sneezed. Nobody blessed me. Going to hell.

[Adam Long @AdamLong]

It's wisest to pick the side of the person who knows the most shit about you http://t.co/aDPJF1wz69

[Adam Long @AdamLong]

So how many abortions do you have to have before you can go "pro"? http://t.co/7gtZXI3m

[Adam Long @AdamLong]

http://t.co/oykL3IW4 Instead of "single" as a marital status, it should read "independently owned and operated”

[Adam Long @AdamLong]

Usain Bolt runs at 31mph which sounds good, but if he hits a child there's a 40% chance they'll die. http://t.co/br4J3daL

[Adam Long @AdamLong]

http://t.co/lMeG8cih Face down, ass up, that's the way babies often sleep. Adorable!

[Adam Long @AdamLong]

If we start calling it 'potato juice', Vodka becomes a health drink. RIGHT?? http://t.co/KotiNRpV

[Adam Long @AdamLong]

Fuck! I have to fly to California to prevent a forest fire. THIS IS TOO MUCH RESPONSIBILITY! http://t.co/aw5qFnnw