Yesterday, I had an interesting conversation with a very successful friend who runs her own fund. She is a gorgeous Nigerian in her early 40s, and she told me that she had given up on marriage because she sees it as an oppressive institution. I decided to probe further to learn.
Go to universities and higher institutions and see how many female students are quietly helping their broke boyfriends survive.
Using part of the allowance and stipends their parents sent for them just to support a man they love.
Buying food. Paying transport. Sending urgent transfers. Helping with handouts and projects. Even covering bills when the guy is stranded.
You all know this but hardly talk about it because you are too used to painting women as people who only collect from men.
🤷♂️
When I hear the people saying “oh you guys should discuss your roles before you enter marriage”, I laugh.
Because it’s either you’re not married or you’re not even living this thing we call life
Because one thing you will discover very quickly is that life will life always
And the best thing that can happen to you when life is lifing is to have a partner that can shapeshift and become what is needed for that season
How would we have planned to find ourselves in a new country where my husband can only work 20hours because policy changed?
How do you plan for policy change that was not even in your country
Will I say I won’t work and have my salary go to almost 80 percent of the bills between agreed he’ll be the primary provider?
How was I supposed to know tha I would have post partum high blood pressure after my baby and get vision so blurry I could not make my way around the kitchen
Will my husband not enter kitchen because we agreed I would do all the cooking?
Life happens
Seasons change
Sometimes your spouse is out of A Job and you need to hold down the fort
Will you be doing my money is my money then?
Or you’ll not change diaper when your wife is exhausted because in your village men don’t do child care?
Marriage is not by force oo
If you don’t want to morph, stay single and rigid.
My wife's family calls themselves everyday! I mean everyday. Brother calling sister, mum and dad speaking to everyone every single day.
My own family na Giran! If there's no cause then there's no point. We only call each other when it's necessary.
When we got married, she was like you've not spoken to my parents this month - hehehehe 😂 I said what's the occasion? She was are you not supposed to call to greet?
I said I've not greeted my dad in 3 months
Now she calls and hands me the phone, I greet them well and return the phone. Everyone knows we are from different backgrounds but the love they have for & me for them is everlasting.
Anytime I am around them na balling from dawn to dusk but that call to greet, e hard me baje baje.
So my sister, call them and hand your good husband the phone he will greet them well.
LinkedIn: Today I made a decision, to take charge and drive growth for a mobility startup.
I didn’t ask for a position, I didn’t submit a CV, I simply saw a gap and filled it without permission. That’s boldness, that’s strength and that’s determination.
Once a while, you get the opportunity to truly show what you’re good at, things a mere CV or resume can’t explain, that’s where the real value lies.
Me taking charge of the customer onboarding process today wasn’t the achievement, but the fact that I reduced onboarding time by over 95%, for over 1 hour to 10 minutes on my first day. Now that’s the achievement.
I’m sharing this so when next you see an opportunity, I want you to remember that you don’t need permission to show that to the capable.