Adult Humor

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Trending adult memes and humor!
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I need these emojis ;)

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"what state do you live in?"

constant anxiety.

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If you can't say anything nice about
anyone, come sit by me.

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A little girl walks into her parents bedroom one night. "WTF" She screams "And you want me to see a doctor for sucking my thumb.

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When I call my parents and they don't answer, its completely fine.
But when my PARENTS call ME and I don't answer, its World War 2.

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Nerds phone rings in the middle of class*
Cool Guy: Awwwwww is that your girlfriendd?
*Class Laughs*
Nerd: No its yours.
Class: OHHHHHHHHHHH

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My boss told me to have a good day. So I went home.

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While Performing Magic I asked a woman what her favourite card is,

her reply,

"Ummmm.... a Credit Card"

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My Boyfriend is like a Trampoline.

I Don't Have a Trampoline.

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Just Remember if we get caught
You're a deaf and I Don't speak English.

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I wrote you a get well soon card.

I hope You recover quickly from your Shitty Personality.

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Marriage is a Wonderful Institution,
But who wants to live in an Institution?

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If you're going to shave a cat, this is how you do it.

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I want to sleep for 2 years and wake up with a degree, an apartment and money in the bank

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I'm awkward when people compliment me....

"Nice Hair"

Me: Thanks, I grew it myself.

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Ever just look at someone and think,
This MOTHER#^@% is Going to be the reason I go to Jail.

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I hate it when people are at your house and ask
"Do you have a Bathroom?"
NO, We shit in the YARD!

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My EX had one very annoying habit.
Breathing.