Adult Jokes™

The Hottest Adult Jokes Account on Twitter
(Contact: [email protected])

[Adult Jokes™ @AdultJokes_]

You have no idea how many times I've tried to tell you the truth through my jokes.

[Adult Jokes™ @AdultJokes_]

The older I get, the more I come to realize that I just don't care what the hell anyone thinks anymore.

[Adult Jokes™ @AdultJokes_]

Hey parents with teenagers, the bottle of vodka in your liquor cabinet is water.

[Adult Jokes™ @AdultJokes_]

Women, we don't give a shit about your shoes. We care about your body. Go to the gym, not the mall.

[Adult Jokes™ @AdultJokes_]

I had 3 bitches making me a sandwich this morning. I felt like a pimp. That's why I like Subway.

[Adult Jokes™ @AdultJokes_]

Sometimes I wish I lived in the 70's. Preferably in Eric Foreman's basement.

[Adult Jokes™ @AdultJokes_]

Don't ever let your girl talk to another guy about her problems; A shoulder to cry on, becomes a dick to ride on.

[Adult Jokes™ @AdultJokes_]

Why does Obama have to give speeches behind bullet proof glass?

Just because he's black doesn't mean he's going to shoot anyone.

[Adult Jokes™ @AdultJokes_]

If you want to find a prince, you're supposed to kiss a frog. Not fuck the whole pond.

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If life "hands you lemons", there's a good chance you're on acid, and you should probably put those rocks down.

[Adult Jokes™ @AdultJokes_]

When is Beiber gonna start doing cocaine and stop being a bitch

[Adult Jokes™ @AdultJokes_]

I prefer not to think before I speak. I like being just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.

[Adult Jokes™ @AdultJokes_]

When I cross a one way road, I still look both ways. Just in case there are any women driving.

[Adult Jokes™ @AdultJokes_]

Porn is so unrealistic, I delivered pizza for 3 years and not once did they invite me in for sex.

[Adult Jokes™ @AdultJokes_]

Me and my girlfriend argue a lot about domestic violence.

But I always beat her.

[Adult Jokes™ @AdultJokes_]

Virgin pussy " () " , regular pussy " ( ) " , #Oomf pussy (_________________________)

[Adult Jokes™ @AdultJokes_]

Is it just me or do all datable girls go after the guys who obviously won't treat them right.

[Adult Jokes™ @AdultJokes_]

My mom always told me if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all…and some people wonder why I’m so quiet around them.

[Adult Jokes™ @AdultJokes_]

When I get a text from you, I immediately stop what I'm doing just to read it.

[Adult Jokes™ @AdultJokes_]

When I go to bed, half the time I'm not really sleeping. I'm usually lying there making up scenarios in my head.