AgingWino

Atheist, Pro choice, LGBTQ+, Liberal, BLM, Science Enthusiast

[catsies @catsiesxx]

Conservatives forgetting that she was an ambitious child-free woman.

[bethany @thenightbethore]

no bras tomorrow for anybody. tits at half mast

[Acyn @Acyn]

Watters: You think it’s ok to slash a ding-a-ling off

El-Sayed: Do you really want to have this conversation? Are you circumcised?

Watters: Yeah

El-Sayed: Then you probably want to move on.

[Rick Wilson @TheRickWilson]

Everyone is waiting for Trump to say something horrific about Dolly Parton.

It's inevitable.

[Jen Rice @jen_rice_]

BREAKING: It made the final cut. Congratulations, Michigan, you might have the best voting sticker of 2026.

[cloudy ☁️ @cloudyweatheryy]

BECAUSE I LITERALLY CANT FUCKING TURN IT OFF

[PDSTORI 🌪️ @ToxieHavok]

The "H" in Jesus H. Christ stands for Hoobastank because he died for a reason and the reason is you

[Keara Sullivan @superkeara]

Don’t want to give the Victorian doctors too much credit but I just went to the seaside and it lowkey did cure my ill humors

[Sara Mauskopf @sm]

Got informed by camp yesterday that we needed to let them know in advance that our daughter was pescatarian and since we didn’t we will have to pack her lunch for the rest of the week.

In other news, yesterday I learned my daughter is pescatarian.

[Arbaz kakkar @arbazkakkar5]

Got the COVID vax and 5 years later—BOOM! Starter goes out in my Camry

[AgingWino @AgingWino]

@GodsFavRtard @Neko_Tet I literally went to best buy yesterday for printer ink and they didn't have it. I ordered it on Amazon in the parking lot lol.

[Conspiratorial Templates @mynamehear]

"You're absolutely right, he was trying to kill you. Would you like me to look up some funeral homes in your area?"

[Queef Strokinoff @poopsoxx]

*looking at my oven I’ve left on all day*
wow I can’t believe it’s only 350 it feels later than that.

[Acyn @Acyn]

El-Sayed: I can't wait to sit across RFK Jr. And actually grill him. Dude uses big words he does not understand. And I happen to go to medical school, so I kind of understand them. I'm a guy with a doctorate in medicine and in public health. He's a guy who takes his kids swimming in Schitt's Creek.

[manic pixie mean girl 🔪 @anikatineaddict]

he was literally driving my neighborhood’s kids to church at this date and time

[Cuck Liddell @c0ck_l3snar]

If you have diarrhea from the parasite, do not worry and hang in there, we are going to send money to Israel.

[your cousin Vinny @muddaub]

What’s crazy is that vegetable prices haven’t gone down. I have to play poopoo roulette AND pay full price??

[Jamie Bonkiewicz @JamieBonkiewicz]

Call me woke, but I really want my tax dollars to help prevent and track explosive diarrhea parasites in our food.

[God @TheTweetOfGod]

Anybody who thinks I don't want you to be glad when certain people are dead is utterly unfamiliar with My work.

[PresidentLinkin @Linkin1319]

Once you accept that Donald Trump is simply a mobster who does not care about any social issues, any geopolitical issues, any economic issues, etc., and that his sole, reptilian purpose is to enrich himself by any means, legal or not, it all makes sense.