Doug Ahlgren

A bad ass motherfucker who dont take no shit and will tell your ass how it is

[Doug Ahlgren @AhlgrenDoug]

I’m afraid my son @SethDraminski has left the earth.

[Doug Ahlgren @AhlgrenDoug]

Hello @offspring , my son @SethDraminski is a massive fan but I can’t afford to buy tickets to your upcoming tour. Can you please help us out? He sings your songs all the time but switches the lyrics to “My friends got a boyfriend, and I suck that dick”

[Doug Ahlgren @AhlgrenDoug]

My son @sethdraminski informed me that the post office is celebrating 250 years of service. That’s pretty cool. They always do a good job of delivering my @Playboy magazine but they always “lose” my boner pills

[Doug Ahlgren @AhlgrenDoug]

Hey @AdamSandler I wish you would have cast my son @SethDraminski in Happy Gilmore 2, not only would it have made us able to move out of our trailer but he chokes his chicken to pictures of @HaleyJoelOsment on the daily so it would have been cool for him to meet him

[Doug Ahlgren @AhlgrenDoug]

My son @SethDraminski is a supervisor in a big company. I’m proud of him but not sure how he is a supervisor when he once had a school project using @Elmers superglue and “accidentally” glued his own hand to his private parts

#thatsgottahurt
#ouchouchouch

[Doug Ahlgren @AhlgrenDoug]

My son @SethDraminski has finally done it. This son of mine did not take my advice to wear a @TrojanCondoms when porkin’ the neighbor girl and has now made me a grandfather. Didn’t even name the kid after me. Named her “Tooti Fruiti” in honor of @Skittles

#grandpa #damnit #USA

[Doug Ahlgren @AhlgrenDoug]

Hey @KamalaHarris my son @SethDraminski said he won’t vote for you because he believes you would just go around the White House twerkin’ in every room.

Hey an old painting of George Washington….let me twerk on that

Wow! Abe Lincoln’s top hat…definitely gonna twerk on that!

[Doug Ahlgren @AhlgrenDoug]

@Monicals_Pizza my son @SethDraminski wants to order some breadsticks but I told him no because last time he used them as a sex toy and gave the neighbor girl Mary a yeast infection

[Doug Ahlgren @AhlgrenDoug]

My son @SethDraminski was on board and died when the Titantic went down and @JCameronOnline made a movie about it. I believe our family is owed some money

[Doug Ahlgren @AhlgrenDoug]

Yes hello @elonmusk my son @SethDraminski would like a Tesla but he can’t afford one due to him being a retard. Any way you can hook him up?

#retard #tesla #retardation

[Doug Ahlgren @AhlgrenDoug]

@SethDraminski @KeeblerUS It’s a Christmas miracle! Sorry son, I must have gotten black out drunk on @budlight and now I’m gay

[Doug Ahlgren @AhlgrenDoug]

Hey @KeeblerUS my son @SethDraminski loves your cookies this time of year. Unfortunately he plays this game where he sees how many of them he can fit in his mouth at once. Unfortunately, he tried this two days ago and choked to death. #keebler #elves #RIPson

[Doug Ahlgren @AhlgrenDoug]

@taylorswift13 your profile pic would look a lot better if you had a big fat doobie hanging out your mouth. My son @SethDraminski likes to smoke doobies and listen to your music while he jerks it to pictures he secretly took of the neighbor girl Mary. #taylorswift #doobie

[Doug Ahlgren @AhlgrenDoug]

@adam22 You obviously don’t know of my son @SethDraminski #1masturbator

[Doug Ahlgren @AhlgrenDoug]

Hey @OfficialSanta, just a FYI for Xmas….my son @SethDraminski rigged our chimney with explosives. He’s still mad you didn’t get him what he wanted last year #christmas #santa

[Doug Ahlgren @AhlgrenDoug]

My son @SethDraminski is pumped for @Cubs opening day. He had a poster of Sammy Sosa in his room until last week. Had to take it off the wall cuz he was porkin’ the neighbor girl doggy style in front of it and when he pulled out, he accidentally splooged on the poster #cubs #cum

[Doug Ahlgren @AhlgrenDoug]

Came home from work to find my son @SethDraminski overdosed on @tylenol after he had rotator cuff surgery.I had to take him to the ER where the doctors had to pump the stomach.They pumped so hard that they sucked up his anus up to his sarcophagus.Then he died

[Doug Ahlgren @AhlgrenDoug]

My son @SethDraminski was one of the cops that gangbanged Maegan Hall. I hope he wore a @TrojanCondoms because I don’t want him to get an std and wind up on an episode of @DrPhil #gangbang #coponcopsex #blowinloads #trojan

[Doug Ahlgren @AhlgrenDoug]

My son @SethDraminski got a box of @Crayola crayons for Christmas and he hasn’t colored with them once but I did see him light one up like a cigar and smoke it. Turned his teeth green #smoking #smokeweed #weed #cigar #devilslettuce

[Doug Ahlgren @AhlgrenDoug]

My son @SethDraminski is obsessed with this recent red wave movement. I don’t understand why he dyed his pubes red and goes around waving his wiener down at the nursing home.

#redwave