Aquilegia

[Aquilegia @Akeleye]

😂

[Dansk Socialrådgiverforening @Socialrdgiverne]

Socialrådgiverne er glade for deres fag. Men vilkårene er så pressede, at mange overvejer jobskifte. Hvis ikke arbejdsgivere og politikere gør noget, risikerer vi, at overvejelser bliver til opsigelser – og så bliver det svært at vende udviklingen. #dkpol https://t.co/Z75ioa7vfB

[Buitengebieden @buitengebieden]

Best friends.. 😊

[Aquilegia @Akeleye]

#NewProfilePic

[Aquilegia @Akeleye]

Sommerferie læsning 📚❤️
Forberedelse til bachelor.
#socialrådgiveruddannelse
#ulighed

[Justitia @justitiaorg]

Retssikkerheden lider, når lovgivning hastes igennem!
Tak til @LauritzenK for at stemple ind i lovkvalitetsdebatten. #dkpol
https://t.co/NJdPuSvvIJ

[Aquilegia @Akeleye]

@LucinaraDarcy Ofc I do! /massive hugs 🙌❤️😊

[Aquilegia @Akeleye]

@MariaLuckyxo @Theholisticpsyc Oh wow thank you so so much!! I really appreciate this!! 🙌❤️

[Dr. Nicole LePera @Theholisticpsyc]

Maybe they’re mad at you because the version of you they could control no longer exists.

[Aquilegia @Akeleye]

@LimitlessLif3 @Theholisticpsyc This is me..

[Limitless Life @LimitlessLif3]

@Theholisticpsyc “The scapegoat of the family is the person that’s blamed for all the family dysfunction. The scapegoat serves a purpose to other family members who are not willing to take accountability.”

- @Theholisticpsyc

[Aquilegia @Akeleye]

@MariaLuckyxo @Theholisticpsyc But I don't know how to break out from it. Your post gave me a lot to think about and to be aware of myself - thank you so much again 🙏❤️

[Aquilegia @Akeleye]

@MariaLuckyxo @Theholisticpsyc Wow thank you so much for this!
I feel a lot in those situations, but really struggle to see their pattern of abusive patterns/behaviour and can barely address that to the other person - and then i always keep being interrupted when I speak.. I hate myself when it happens-

[Maria @MariaLuckyxo]

You know what really helped with wanting to change others ?
I focused on these 3 changes.
I changed how I interacted with them, what I gave them and stated my observations not my feelings.

1. How I interacted with them:

If I was always frustrated interacting with them, I would either downgrade the relationship ex. from a close friend to an acquaintance or put a really short time limit on our interactions. ex: I keep my conversations with my mom to a few minutes and light topics.

2. What I gave them:

As a former people pleaser I was unconsciously focused on giving people what they wanted from me. I wasn't attuned to whether I wanted to give it myself.

Ex: I felt used by close friends as a therapist but I was focused on their needs, problems and being useful to them. They had no problem saying no to me and would easily say, 'I don't feel like it'.
I realized I always overrode what I felt and just gave to them as I was trained to do with my parents as a kid.
Even as I felt drained by them and the resentment was piling up, I was focused on giving. I didn't pull back, say no and pour into my own cup.
I noticed I had a dangerous pattern (predators and users look for over-givers) of starting by giving and never observing what I was receiving or if the person had a charitable nature to begin with.

3. Stated my observations not my feelings:

Instead of saying, 'I feel really hurt and like you don't care about me.' I found it much better to say, 'You don't care to be there for me and are only focused on what you can get from me.' 'You enjoy treating me like a free therapist and never giving in return.' 'You're selfish.'

Instead of saying, 'I'm so hurt you don't care about me' it felt more true and authentic to say 'you're selfish, I was dumb investing in someone who was using me and now my door is closed.'

Telling my Mom 'you've gossiped about me, your own daughter, like a teenage enemy and shared my private struggles with everyone with no hesitation. That fact that you're shocked I don't feel close to you, I don't trust you and frankly don't really like you is the most shocking part.' That got through to her more than tears and screaming ever did.

Telling a former friend. 'You have a cycle you repeat with everyone. You always have 2 people in your life you have to pit against each other. When you treat people like crap and go too far, you never apologize but scurry away like a rat for a period of time. Then you pop back up and expect everything to be normal. You'll scream if someone tries to bring it up. This is why you'll end up in the NFL= No Friends Left.'

This worked much better than saying I'm upset, I wish you'd be kinder and just pointing out my feelings and what I didn't receive.

People with low empathy don't care about your feelings. They aren't moved by your feelings, they're solely focused on whether they're getting exactly what they want with ease. This is why talking about your feelings is futile with them.

The topic of stating your observations vs feelings is one I'd love to go more in-depth with. This was game-changing for me.

You can't force change on others but YOU DO control what you give, what you tolerate and just like they get to be upsetting, draining and exhausting, you can be all those things to them. They shouldn't walk way from an interaction with you feeling great & getting their needs met while you're raging inside, feeling upset and used.

Please consider making one if not all of these changes for yourself and see how different the dynamics become. It's amazing to watch it unfold.💙

[Morten Sodemann @mortensode]

Kære #dkpol & #dkmedier
Hvis i rasede lidt mindre ville I forstå lidt mere, men det er måske sådan I afskærmer jer fra virkeligheden ? #dkpol #dksocial
https://t.co/UVF1fSQKjC

[Morten Sodemann @mortensode]

Man må ikke slå børn. Har skrevet om at være vidne til vold mine første år i en privatskole og senere i patientfortællinger gennem mit arbejde. De voksne har forklaringsproblemer når det handler om børn for vi er ikke ærlige #dkpol https://t.co/ixWRmcH7MK

[I Meme Therefore I Am 🇺🇸 @ImMeme0]

Who did this? 🤣🤣🤣

[Socialmonitor @DKSocialmonitor]

Alle børn med sociale problemer har ret til at møde fagligt stærke socialrådgivere. Det risikerer regeringen at sætte over styr med reformen af professionsuddannelserne, mener @signefaerch @Socialrdgiverne og @RasmusKjeldahl @BornsVilkar #dksocial
https://t.co/SEvoL0hn6l

[Dr. Nicole LePera @Theholisticpsyc]

The generational pattern of drinking to cope is something we have to start taking about, openly.