AkshayN

hi

[AkshayN @AkshayCool69]

sparkling water is like the wario of water and tonic water is like the waluigi of water

[AkshayN @AkshayCool69]

“have you been following the court case recently” yeah bro i saw that the road runner showed up and testified for wile e coyote

[AkshayN @AkshayCool69]

me trying to relate to a girl i’m talking to: yeah im actually half woman on my mom’s side

[AkshayN @AkshayCool69]

“last night was a movie” bro last night was a seinfeld episode be fr

[AkshayN @AkshayCool69]

fool me once, shame on you. fool me twice, still shame on you because I believe in second chances. fool me three times, yeah this one’s on me

[AkshayN @AkshayCool69]

there are two types of people: those that don’t think SNL is funny anymore and those that never thought SNL was funny

[AkshayN @AkshayCool69]

why tf is everyone watching The Sopranos again all of a sudden

[AkshayN @AkshayCool69]

mf really made “doofenshmirtz evil incorporated” bro just go to therapy

[AkshayN @AkshayCool69]

my hobby is following my friends’ significant others on instagram a soon as they’re official and then unfollowing as soon as they break up

[AkshayN @AkshayCool69]

if the beatles were good they’d just be green day

[AkshayN @AkshayCool69]

i'm def not achieving enlightment this life...better wait for the next time around

[AkshayN @AkshayCool69]

i like how Goofy, despite being the most dysfunctional character in the Disney canon is also canonically the best Disney dad.

[AkshayN @AkshayCool69]

actual convo between me and an 8 year old relative:

kid: where’s your brother?
me: he’s driving back from a friends’ birthday party
kid: did he get a goodie bag?
me: no
kid: why not?
me: ….you know, i don’t have a good answer to that question

[AkshayN @AkshayCool69]

idea: competitor to impossible and beyond burger called "I Can't Believe It's Not Burger"

[AkshayN @AkshayCool69]

i know “how i met your father” is objectively not that good of a show but i’m invested because i’m pretty sure the indian guy is the father.

[AkshayN @AkshayCool69]

@EverythingOOC “simpsons predict the future” always bothers me. they’ve had 750 episodes, they’ve made plots about literally everything. and it’s not like submarine incidents never happened before this week.

[AkshayN @AkshayCool69]

@Emmmyalluu @EverythingOOC probably cuz your ancestors colonized us and created those conditions

[AkshayN @AkshayCool69]

@niranjanireddi yes indeed

[AkshayN @AkshayCool69]

people always talk about “enemies to lovers” in fiction but when its a person of color it’s “racism to lovers”

[AkshayN @AkshayCool69]

i’ve been saying “i’m a minimalist” for so long but truthfully i think i’m just cheap