Fake Alan Joyce

Leading Qantas Airways to its biggest disaster yet, and then to the next. Of course this is a parody account.

[Fake Alan Joyce @AlanJoyceCEO]

That’s a big 1.25 Billion fuck you’s.

If anyone needs me I’ll be off buying Samoa.

[Fake Alan Joyce @AlanJoyceCEO]

Feeling somewhat left out that @TurnbullMalcolm hasn't called me up yet. I have a specific set of skills he could use right about now.

[Fake Alan Joyce @AlanJoyceCEO]

Basic bitches get outta my way, I'm back! https://t.co/TmOfCD4GWB #qantasLuxury

[Fake Alan Joyce @AlanJoyceCEO]

@shugdocherty We had such a great time. Thank you. You should have seen the leftovers! Amazing night.

[Fake Alan Joyce @AlanJoyceCEO]

New check-in procedure working GREAT. https://t.co/0RVvOxafxO

[Fake Alan Joyce @AlanJoyceCEO]

But look at the profit I made the company, you jerk! https://t.co/8G2auJpyWn

[Fake Alan Joyce @AlanJoyceCEO]

@rtkng99 does it change anything?

[Fake Alan Joyce @AlanJoyceCEO]

URGENT PRESS RELEASE https://t.co/nJ84yRnncw

[Fake Alan Joyce @AlanJoyceCEO]

@Rob_Pilot @chrisbrownie @jodiem @VirginAustralia @Qantas ease up there, turbo, I have standards.

[Fake Alan Joyce @AlanJoyceCEO]

If only @TonyAbbotMHR had the pilot's metadata, this could've all been prevented. ... ... right?

[Fake Alan Joyce @AlanJoyceCEO]

If the pilot was white it was mental illness. If he was brown it was terrorism. #germanwingscrash

[Fake Alan Joyce @AlanJoyceCEO]

@Kapes1411 How can Ihelp?

[Fake Alan Joyce @AlanJoyceCEO]

If only your Mum had… RT @shugdocherty: I suppose you are a bit different from your mum you take it up the arse

[Fake Alan Joyce @AlanJoyceCEO]

.@CaptSlapstick @TheKouk @JoeHockey It was a lot more than $200, thank you.

[Fake Alan Joyce @AlanJoyceCEO]

Well @shugdocherty Perhaps your mum should have swallowed.

[Fake Alan Joyce @AlanJoyceCEO]

So… how was YOUR day yesterday? Mine was GREAT.

[Fake Alan Joyce @AlanJoyceCEO]

.@CeltPowell Hey I’m not responsible for @JetstarAirways (And anyone that flies that shit gets what they deserve).

[Fake Alan Joyce @AlanJoyceCEO]

So glad Abbott is doing his thing and keeping the heat off me.

[Fake Alan Joyce @AlanJoyceCEO]

SAFEST! WOO! RT @rtkng99: #QANTAS being the world's safest airlines in 2014!? - as reported by a Mainland Chinese newspaper. Oh, no wonder.

[Fake Alan Joyce @AlanJoyceCEO]

@MDance_ @muddywall @Qantas I’m #11.