Alan Simpson

Head of print at The Herald.. Dedicated to keeping people properly informed. Occasionally tweets nonsense about other stuff. Views are quite obviously my own.

[The Herald @heraldscotland]

@heraldscotland https://t.co/rjrxhANeZr

@AlanPurple

[The Herald @heraldscotland]

@heraldscotland https://t.co/C7Orl5Wr8C

@AlanPurple

[The Herald @heraldscotland]

@heraldscotland https://t.co/ORVhnPa61i

@AlanPurple

[The Herald @heraldscotland]

@heraldscotland https://t.co/88HBT7s7Yb

@AlanPurple

[The Herald @heraldscotland]

@heraldscotland https://t.co/ZywqH8mxUa

@AlanPurple

[The Herald @heraldscotland]

@heraldscotland https://t.co/AjZDvhOzNk

@AlanPurple

[Alan Simpson @AlanPurple]

Go on - you know it makes sense...
https://t.co/HywNtxLhqW

[Stephen Flynn @StephenFlynnSNP]

The greatest commentary in the history of commentary

[Alan Simpson @AlanPurple]

This seems like a bargain to me - check it out and join the party
https://t.co/BENOCVyXu1

[Alan Simpson @AlanPurple]

A piece aimed at sparking debate about the future of the NHS
https://t.co/wo78roAplI

[The Herald @heraldscotland]

There is nothing 'peak about Scotrail apart from the cost, writes @AlanPurple ✍️

https://t.co/mGw8KhmzIK

[The Herald @heraldscotland]

Rural Scots are right - it is time to halt onshore windfarms 👇

https://t.co/YQ8g8rIfPz

@AlanPurple

[The Herald @heraldscotland]

'There is absolutely no excuse for behaving like savages just because the area is beautiful but remote' 👇

https://t.co/XTJnX7iVSW

@AlanPurple

[Kristy @KristyDorsey]

⛳️What are the "under-utilised" destinations being targeted by Angus Watson @ProSGT? Find out in this week's Around the Greens from the @heraldscotland 👇
https://t.co/4J585GTdJX

[chidi @FreeNwakali]

How can you not like football? No amount of money could come closer to replicating that feeling. A perfect example of what we live for

[Alan Simpson @AlanPurple]

Great piece here and Stephen is spot on.

[Catherine Salmond @SalmondSalmond]

"The Scottish Cup went to the team which wanted it more. And blowing a final they shouldn’t have lost to Aberdeen might be the reset Celtic need." | @mcgowan_stephen

https://t.co/hqDdpUj8xl

[Glen Cairns 🎬 @GlenCairnsVideo]

The BBC don’t miss a beat with VT’s 🥹.

[John @johnnyfitba]

Retweet this tweet if your team are the Scottish Cup holders. You MUST NOT retweet this tweet if your team are not the Scottish Cup holders

[Alan Simpson @AlanPurple]

Some thoughts on Calmac
https://t.co/3JfS3M4oK3

[Alan Simpson @AlanPurple]

Spot on this

[James Tate @JamesTate121]

Someone asked "Why do some British people not like Donald Trump?"

Nate White, an articulate and witty writer from England, wrote this magnificent response:

"A few things spring to mind.

Trump lacks certain qualities which the British traditionally esteem.

For instance, he has no class, no charm, no coolness, no credibility, no compassion, no wit, no warmth, no wisdom, no subtlety, no sensitivity, no self-awareness, no humility, no honour and no grace - all qualities, funnily enough, with which his predecessor Mr. Obama was generously blessed.

So for us, the stark contrast does rather throw Trump’s limitations into embarrassingly sharp relief.

Plus, we like a laugh. And while Trump may be laughable, he has never once said anything wry, witty or even faintly amusing - not once, ever.

I don’t say that rhetorically, I mean it quite literally: not once, not ever. And that fact is particularly disturbing to the British sensibility - for us, to lack humour is almost inhuman.

But with Trump, it’s a fact. He doesn’t even seem to understand what a joke is - his idea of a joke is a crass comment, an illiterate insult, a casual act of cruelty.

Trump is a troll. And like all trolls, he is never funny and he never laughs; he only crows or jeers.

And scarily, he doesn’t just talk in crude, witless insults - he actually thinks in them. His mind is a simple bot-like algorithm of petty prejudices and knee-jerk nastiness.

There is never any under-layer of irony, complexity, nuance or depth. It’s all surface.

Some Americans might see this as refreshingly upfront.

Well, we don’t. We see it as having no inner world, no soul.

And in Britain we traditionally side with David, not Goliath. All our heroes are plucky underdogs: Robin Hood, Dick Whittington, Oliver Twist.

Trump is neither plucky, nor an underdog. He is the exact opposite of that.

He’s not even a spoiled rich-boy, or a greedy fat-cat.

He’s more a fat white slug. A Jabba the Hutt of privilege.

And worse, he is that most unforgivable of all things to the British: a bully.

That is, except when he is among bullies; then he suddenly transforms into a snivelling sidekick instead.

There are unspoken rules to this stuff - the Queensberry rules of basic decency - and he breaks them all. He punches downwards - which a gentleman should, would, could never do - and every blow he aims is below the belt. He particularly likes to kick the vulnerable or voiceless - and he kicks them when they are down.

So the fact that a significant minority - perhaps a third - of Americans look at what he does, listen to what he says, and then think 'Yeah, he seems like my kind of guy’ is a matter of some confusion and no little distress to British people, given that:
* Americans are supposed to be nicer than us, and mostly are.
* You don't need a particularly keen eye for detail to spot a few flaws in the man.

This last point is what especially confuses and dismays British people, and many other people too; his faults seem pretty bloody hard to miss.

After all, it’s impossible to read a single tweet, or hear him speak a sentence or two, without staring deep into the abyss. He turns being artless into an art form; he is a Picasso of pettiness; a Shakespeare of shit. His faults are fractal: even his flaws have flaws, and so on ad infinitum.

God knows there have always been stupid people in the world, and plenty of nasty people too. But rarely has stupidity been so nasty, or nastiness so stupid.

He makes Nixon look trustworthy and George W look smart.

In fact, if Frankenstein decided to make a monster assembled entirely from human flaws - he would make a Trump.

And a remorseful Doctor Frankenstein would clutch out big clumpfuls of hair and scream in anguish:

'My God… what… have… I… created?

If being a twat was a TV show, Trump would be the boxed set."