Alanna Herman

And what if I did?

[Alanna Herman @AlannaBHerman]

You ever try to make a wish on an eyelash and that ish gets stuck to your finger?...and then u like, “no, dammit, I said what I said”.

[Alanna Herman @AlannaBHerman]

Ladies, it’s 2019, no more hiding shopping bags from your significant other. From now on, everything your Best Friend wants, you buy, and everything you want, your Best Friend buys. No one can be mad because, “It’s a present!” You. Are. Welcome. #relationships #advice #2019Moods

[Alanna Herman @AlannaBHerman]

@BlaineWHardaway Way to go!!! Congrats!

[Alanna Herman @AlannaBHerman]

When it hits 50 degrees in the South and you’re like “I have 4 shirts on and I’ve never been colder.” #cold #coldish #thesouth #monday

[Alanna Herman @AlannaBHerman]

When I go out of town for 17 hours...#momentoftruth #momlife

[Alanna Herman @AlannaBHerman]

@DonaldJTrumpJr When you can finally be real w/your teenage children and you’re like: “Stop, you sound stupid when you say things like this.” ❤️ Mom

[Alanna Herman @AlannaBHerman]

@ChrisMurphyCT So simple, yet so effective! 👋👋👋

[Alanna Herman @AlannaBHerman]

@realDonaldTrump Loser terrorists??? As opposed to cool terrorists? We don't need these extra adjectives in English. Terrorist covers it. Who writes for you?

[Alanna Herman @AlannaBHerman]

@realDonaldTrump #FakeNews

[Alanna Herman @AlannaBHerman]

Yesterday I bought rain boots. Today I no longer fear the rain. #2017 #lessthinkingmoredoing #professionalprocrastinator #nomorewetfeet

[Alanna Herman @AlannaBHerman]

Had to teach my kid how to work a lamp tonight. #kidsthesedays

[Alanna Herman @AlannaBHerman]

It's either aliens or the combined sound of pouring rain, thunder, and the air conditioner. Too close to call.

[Alanna Herman @AlannaBHerman]

I decided to pour myself a glass of wine so I would stop eating the ice cream. #monday

[Alanna Herman @AlannaBHerman]

There's no use putting your ice cream in the small bowl if you're going to refill it 3 times. #monday

[Alanna Herman @AlannaBHerman]

Sometimes I forget that people run a lot faster downhill.

[Alanna Herman @AlannaBHerman]

I've got a steamy novel and 2 wines - called Handsome Devil and Promiscuous - in my cart at Target. What will the cashier think?

[Alanna Herman @AlannaBHerman]

...and then whispering all at once "Can you hear me?" Fascinating and strange.

[Alanna Herman @AlannaBHerman]

Tweeting is more or less like gathering the biggest crowd you could possibly hope to gather...

[Alanna Herman @AlannaBHerman]

83 degrees in the house. For the sake of my dog, I'm finally turning on the air conditioning.

[Alanna Herman @AlannaBHerman]

At any given point in time, the worst drivers in the road are always right beside me. #drivelikeyoumeanit