Alanna Scott

NPC Bikini ~ enjoys tweeting about food, workouts, and sarcastic shit I can’t say out loud

[Alanna Scott @AlannaMScott]

@ShelbyLanza My reply was something very similar.. with me breaking down how it’s not okay to objectify women and put them into a box based off their physical appearance

[Alanna Scott @AlannaMScott]

@ShelbyLanza The guy I’ve been seeing for 3 months (I finally asked where this was going) just told me “you don’t marry the hot fun blonde” sooo apparently they want wet noodles

[Alanna Scott @AlannaMScott]

You best believe if I see you not wipe down your stuff in the gym after you use it.. you’re getting the dirtiest look possible and I hope you get corona

[Alanna Scott @AlannaMScott]

@ShelbyLanza But also plz let me know if you have chlamydia too tho cause I ain’t trying to get tested during covid

[Alanna Scott @AlannaMScott]

@ShelbyLanza Corner pieces are the best ones!

[Alanna Scott @AlannaMScott]

My roommate: *pulls out a box of Oreos and excitedly says “I bought these cause I found a smoothie recipe online I want to try.”

Me: so you’re making an Oreo milkshake and calling it a smoothie to sound healthy?”

Roommate: “oh...damn it”

[Alanna Scott @AlannaMScott]

@ShelbyLanza Take the money honey

[Alanna Scott @AlannaMScott]

Making the best out of this whole quarantine thing.. 10/10 would recommend buying a hot tub off amazon

[Alanna Scott @AlannaMScott]

If you’re ever having a bad day DONT post your photo to insta.. post it to Facebook. I get more hype from my aunt and all her old lady friends than anyone else

[Alanna Scott @AlannaMScott]

Twitter told me to post this.. #NewProfilePic

[Alanna Scott @AlannaMScott]

Don’t post your home workout and say “normally I lift heavy weights” when I know damn well you’ve never lifted anything heavy in your life. Like you wanna post your home workout? Totally cool. You go for it. But don’t pretend like you lifted before this boo

[Alanna Scott @AlannaMScott]

My boss asked if anyone developed new skills or hobbies during quarantine.. I learned how to take a shot off my forehead but I don’t think that’s what he meant..

[Alanna Scott @AlannaMScott]

My roommate and I are actually making banana bread.. 6 months of freezing old ass bananas and quarantine has finally made it happen

[Alanna Scott @AlannaMScott]

😷 < how everyone else looked in the grocery store vs me

[Shitkage @shitkage]

Buttercup I know the feel right about now

[cake 🍄 @cake_hoarder]

why can’t you drink out the god damn mcflurry spoon

[Alanna Scott @AlannaMScott]

If quarantine has taught me anything it’s that my tolerance for bullshit is nonexistent

[Alanna Scott @AlannaMScott]

Got a text from someone “ending our friendship”.. I haven’t texted you back in months.. who really ended this? Lol bye

[Alanna Scott @AlannaMScott]

Today one of my guy friends asked me for advice. I gave it and he responds with “well you’re not a normal girl, you don’t give a fuck about anything normal girls care about” and honestly.. you right I don’t

[Alanna Scott @AlannaMScott]

@ShelbyLanza 110%