Rhinoceros Shane

Farmer, politican, satirist, angrier every day.

[Rhinoceros Shane @AlbertaChe2]

I grew up in a generation where we still know Jenny's phone number.

[ᗰᗩƳᖇᗩ @LePapillonBlu2]

I’m Lol with @JonathanPieNews take on the Iran fuckup. Hilarious!!

[Blossom 🌸 @Suzzy0310]

“CHILD SUPPORT - $800”
52 quarters. $41,600 total.
I did the math at 2am and couldn’t breathe.

Called him. “Why didn’t you fight for me?”
He said “I did. Every month. With my paycheck.”
Said “Courts don’t let you buy time, son. Only groceries.”

That week I saw the rent. The light bill.
Saw shoes I outgrew in 3 months.
Saw Mom working double shifts.
$800 wasn’t disappearing.
It was becoming me.

He never missed a payment.
Missed every birthday. Every game.
Because the court gave him visitation.
But not a key to our house.

Child support isn’t an allowance.
It’s rent for the childhood you can’t be there for.
It’s apology money.
It’s “I’m sorry” with 4 zeros.

Dad, if you’re reading this: I see it now.
The checks weren’t to Mom.
They were to the kid you couldn’t raise.

[Rhinoceros Shane @AlbertaChe2]

I have learned single handedly why I don't need a girlfriend

[Rhinoceros Shane @AlbertaChe2]

I dont know whats further away. The last time I shit my pants or the next time I shit my pants

[Rhinoceros Shane @AlbertaChe2]

Is there a correlation to asking someone to convince you of their political opinion they expected you to agree with and their perplexion fallback position of 'I dont want to talk politics'? Shouldn't you have to make an argument you have to defend?

[Rhinoceros Shane @AlbertaChe2]

My jokes are like school shootings. Not everyone will get it both who do will die

[Rhinoceros Shane @AlbertaChe2]

My holocaust jokes killed in Germany. Bombed in Gaza. Not so hot here either. Damn renewable fuels. Thanks Trudeau

[Rhinoceros Shane @AlbertaChe2]

Have we really become so diametrically opposed we actually have people whose counter arguement will be referencing another political party like it makes difference arguing in favor of school shootings, systemic raping of children for fun and sniping 6 year old kids and war?

[Rhinoceros Shane @AlbertaChe2]

@miss_tanyac In a free and independent Alberta will Albertans still pick crappy politicians then take no responsibility?

[Rhinoceros Shane @AlbertaChe2]

@BartFurley I signed up for Jeffery Raths course on ethics paid up front. Mitch Sylvester said I could get my money back tomorrow but David Parker said the bar was too high.

[Rhinoceros Shane @AlbertaChe2]

I looked up midget porn online but only found short videos

[Rhinoceros Shane @AlbertaChe2]

My generation raises kids differently. My daughter said she thinks there is a bat in her room. I told her to sleep with her mouth closed.

[Rhinoceros Shane @AlbertaChe2]

The scene where the cops hat keeps getting bigger while explaining ti Charlie Sheen his wife is dead, could somebody please do this to Jeffery Roth? Bonus marks if he gets fatter everytime the hat gets bigger

[Rhinoceros Shane @AlbertaChe2]

I look for mentors. Religious, spiritual. Enlightened. If there is someone who spoke more truth than George Carlin, I'm all ears

[Rhinoceros Shane @AlbertaChe2]

I am cooking a taco bell pizza pop for the first time and it feels like im going to open a hot wheels track with a loop.

[Rhinoceros Shane @AlbertaChe2]

@threeviewfarms @Rogers Its your built in excuse why you dont have to reply to every wife emergency. Sorry. Bad service. You will have to decide on curtains without me.

[Rhinoceros Shane @AlbertaChe2]

@RatedR4Robynne Did we just become best friends? Do you want to do karate in the garage?

[Rhinoceros Shane @AlbertaChe2]

I like what I see across the province. Old white Alberatans pretending they didnt elect useless MLAs. The new independent Alberta curriculum will mandate how you vote. Because we refuse to ever lose. If you vote against us, you can leave. We love democracy that much

[Rhinoceros Shane @AlbertaChe2]

Alberta has to be free to deny democracy.

In a free Alberta, the mandated answer after the lord's prayer is who decides elections, is us

Not the majority, fuck that, we dont lose elections in Alberta. Its what makes us special. In a free Alberta you are not allowed to disagree