AlexandJane

Alex married young, had kids, & never sowed her wild oats. Jane's single, ready to settle & so damn sick of Tinder. Improv comedy webseries w/ UCB & PIT comics.

[Tammy @OkieGirl405]

3 things I will never understand

1. Why people wear Crocs
2. People who don't like cheese
3. Why my 8 y/o son never shuts up

[mark @TheCatWhisprer]

Another surprise benefit of having a baby is using my new swaddling skills to roll a tight, tight burrito.

[The Onion @TheOnion]

Man Confident Perfect Dating App Waiting For Him Out There Somewhere http://t.co/AYrBWr9JKl

[Simon Holland @simoncholland]

1st week of school: sandwich cut in a cute shape, sliced fruit, encouraging note.

Last week of school: handful of croutons wrapped in foil.

[James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn]

5-year-old daughter: Put my hair in buns. I never want ponytails again.

Wife: Why?

5: Zombies can grab them.

Wife: Go get your dad. Now.

[AlexandJane @AlexAndJaneTV]

@racheleklein That's what all the Gringas say!

[Randi Lawson @RandiLawson]

Hey tough dudes wearing shorts that come down past your calves. They're called capris. You are wearing capris

[AlexandJane @AlexAndJaneTV]

@racheleklein Check Shit Gringas Say on YouTube

[AlexandJane @AlexAndJaneTV]

Unlimited mimosas, no kids and hot waiters. #PerfectMothersDay

[Simon Holland @simoncholland]

I love when our kids finally fall asleep and my wife and I get to throw away their crappy art without them seeing.

[Connections Mic @ConnectionsMic]

Louis CK just nailed modern dating on the head: “A la carte” http://t.co/GWPTf09EQf

[tazz @noneofyours99]

STFU with all that drama
some of us are here to have fun.

and find husbands to raise our cats

[Reductress @Reductress]

Kinder: A New Dating App Exclusively for Men with Kind Eyes http://t.co/VsMBq5zhkb

[AlexandJane @AlexAndJaneTV]

Oh SNIP. Today's the day! #birthControl #noMoreRugrats #celebrate

[Jules @PolishedByJules]

Staying together for the kids? Haha. Hell no. We're staying together for the sex.

[AlexandJane @AlexAndJaneTV]

It's Friday night, bitches! Watch this then get off your effing couch! http://t.co/hpRDa3Gbqm

[Danielle Herzog @dherzogauthor]

Pretty sure my 3 year old currently having a tantrum would fail all the things a cop asks you to do in a sobriety test. #hotmess #parenting

[mark @TheCatWhisprer]

[as a child]
Me: Hey mom can I g-
Mom: No.
[as an adult]
Me: Hey honey can I g-
Wife: No.