Alex Jansky ⚡️

double, on the rocks

[stepfanie tyler @stepfanie]

obesity is repulsive

[stepfanie tyler @stepfanie]

if one more person tells me “capitalism is making people starve” i’m going to lose it

the poorest people in America are literally gigantic. like medically unexplainable balloon-shaped and built like refrigerators. we’re not dealing with famine—we’re dealing with doorways having to be widened

have you seen what capitalism gives broke people in this country???

you can wake up at 2pm, take your government-subsidized Ozempic with a 3,000 calorie $9 “coffee” milkshake from Starbucks, get driven to Target in an air-conditioned car you don’t own, buy 40 pounds of seed oils and corn syrup with an EBT card, tap pay on your iPhone, and then go home and watch Netflix while you suck your vape in a recliner until the next time you’re ready to shovel food into that nasty mouth hole

your shampoo has biotin. your snacks come in resealable zip pouches. your cats eat grain-free. your dog wears a thunder shirt. you’ve got twelve $7 body washes for different moods. your teeth are rotting from Mountain Dew. your fridge dispenses crushed ice. you have a bluetooth air fryer that makes chicken nuggets shaped like Paw Patrol characters. you’re on six medications and still have the nerve to say the system is failing you

you don’t cook. you don’t walk. you don’t build. you don’t fix. and yet your lifestyle—degrading as it is—is still propped up by diesel engines, shipping containers, water treatment plants, and a thousand invisible laborers you’ll never meet

capitalism isn’t making you starve. it’s keeping you alive in spite of yourself

it gave you DoorDash. it gave you weed delivery. it gave you plus-size lingerie and mental health apps that send you push notifications like “you’re doing great sweetie” even though you’re a fucking emotionally unregulated lunatic. it gave you multiple streaming services to distract you from your own shitty choices. and you’re mad because it didn’t also give you meaning???

capitalism didn’t fail you. it cushioned your fall. it wrapped it in cheese, deep fried it, and let you finance it at 17% APR

but the most ungrateful part is: the system is still carrying your ass
on a reinforced mobility scooter
through the Walmart
to buy more of that trash you call food

take away profit and by day four of your revolution you’ll be shitting in a bucket and trading hot cheetos for insulin in a parking lot

SHUT THE FUCK UP

[Alex Jansky ⚡️ @AlexJansky]

Union electrician

[lil piss baby @11kmrn]

does anybody have a job that doesn’t make them want to k*ll themselves? if yes, what do u do

[Friday Beers @Friday_Beers]

Cranking hog and watching sports… pretty simple

[Chris @citehchris]

this, 7 beers, sad country songs, and asking am i stripes or solids before every shot

[Riley Collins @rileycollins__]

It hurts when you’re more excited for the boys trip than the other guys 😔

[Harrison H. Smith ✞ @HarrisonHSmith]

I’m looking for deportation numbers so high that you notice the traffic is lighter.

[Cleetus Chunderson @cleetus_chunder]

A wolf of sheep’s clothing. Always use protection

[Seed Oil Disrespecter™️ @SeedOilDsrspctr]

This needs to be posted from time to time

[Dudes Posting Their W’s @DudespostingWs]

Arguably the best type of bar in America

[The Driven Man @Thedrivenman]

Speechless 😶

[andi (twocents.com) @Nexuist]

Just remembered I got in trouble in middle school bio because our teacher taught that you’re not supposed to feed wild animals or else they’ll grow dependent on your food and stop hunting for themselves and I asked about welfare

[Erik-Unchained @ErikUnchained]

This fat ass loser lost. Good riddance.

[Haster. @Haster18_]

Girls get pregnant by losers then want a winner to come and take care of y’all 😭😭

[George @BehizyTweets]

Never in a million years did I think Katt Williams would be starting "USA! USA! USA!" chants at his comedy show.

A heckler told Katt that Phoenix, Arizona, was Mexican land, and Katt COOKED him for almost 4 minutes.

BEAUTIFUL 🇺🇸 🦅

[Feru ✭ @ferupity]

When u see the ppl who were popular in high school again