Alex Doggle Kittendorff, Esq.

[Alex Doggle Kittendorff, Esq. @Alex_Drunkan]

@MattWallace888 MuskMail

[Alex Doggle Kittendorff, Esq. @Alex_Drunkan]

For breakfast I take seven unpeeled bananas and cut off the tops and eat just the tops and throw the rest in the garbage.

Sometimes for lunch too.

[Alex Doggle Kittendorff, Esq. @Alex_Drunkan]

My other mittens are sandwich gloves.

[Alex Doggle Kittendorff, Esq. @Alex_Drunkan]

And tonk to honk before I sleep,
And tonk to honk before I sleep.

[Alex Doggle Kittendorff, Esq. @Alex_Drunkan]

Give birth (for posterity)
Iron lederhosen
Mop the ceiling
Put down the dog poop
No bag
Watch 6 documentaries about tables and chairs
Watch 6 documentaries not about tables and chairs
Watch the cat iron the laundry and take the dog out
No bag
Save up for a monkey
And bananas

[Alex Doggle Kittendorff, Esq. @Alex_Drunkan]

Wash the dishes
Take out the trash
Take out the cat
Take out the cash
Do the laundry
Become the laundry
Get clean
Nebraska
Buy bread
Buy milk
Pick up dog poop
No bag
Drink milk
Pick up cat (from driver's ed)
Teacup Jell-O shots
Return milk

[Alex Doggle Kittendorff, Esq. @Alex_Drunkan]

Bake cakes in the rain
Sky bread
Bake cat
Make cat
Maker's dozen (cats)
Paper oven
Hater's coven
Lederhosen
Play with Mr. Tomato Bread
Pick up trash from Arby's
Stick up for Arby (your friend)
Snoke poke
Pick and stoke
Eat the soap
Eat the cat
Eat the bread

[Alex Doggle Kittendorff, Esq. @Alex_Drunkan]

I was replaced by a frog on a treadmill at nearly every single one of my previous jobs.

Coincidence??

[Alex Doggle Kittendorff, Esq. @Alex_Drunkan]

Do puppets in England have British accents too, or is it just the people?

[Alex Doggle Kittendorff, Esq. @Alex_Drunkan]

Hugh Jackman is such an aggressive name but I'd still want him in the delivery room for the birth of my second child.

[Alex Doggle Kittendorff, Esq. @Alex_Drunkan]

New Limp Bizkit album "It Was The Best of Times, It Was The Durst of Times" @limpbizkit @freddurst

[Samantha Duncan @SamSpitsHotFire]

I have a new poem in the Winter issue of @BigCityLit. Thanks to Alyssa Yankwitt for including me!

Read: https://t.co/CsRpFGqgDG

#poetry #newpoetry #poetrycommunity #newwork

[Alex Doggle Kittendorff, Esq. @Alex_Drunkan]

If you havin' bowel problems, I feel bad for you son
Because I have those too, and I know they're not fun.

#bowel #malrotation

[Alex Doggle Kittendorff, Esq. @Alex_Drunkan]

Conor Oberst at a bar alone, singing The Killers under his breath: "Cuz I'm Mr. Bright Eyes... 🥺"

[VERSUS @vsrsus]

Kylian Mbappé only knows greatness. The first World Cup final hat-trick in 54 years. 12 WC goals in just 14 games. The sixth highest scorer in tournament history at only 23. At least 10 years left at the top of the game and you already know this loss is inspiring his next win.

[B/R Football @brfootball]

KYLIAN MBAPPÉ HAT TRICK IN THE WORLD CUP FINAL

WOW

[Footy Humour @FootyHumour]

Mbappe in the 80th minute of the game:

[Alex Doggle Kittendorff, Esq. @Alex_Drunkan]

@Tim_Burgess The Dig (reformed as @humanloveband), opening for Portugal. The Man in Austin sometime in the late 2000s. They started their set with "Sick Sad Morning". The bass rattled my bones. I was instantly hooked.

https://t.co/QjgXoCUF4y