Alex Roggow

Connoisseur of fine flannel

[Alex Roggow @Alex_Roggow]

Shout out to drugs for officially winning the war on drugs

[President Biden Archived @POTUS46Archive]

As I’ve said before, no one should be in jail just for using or possessing marijuana.

Today, I’m taking steps to end our failed approach. Allow me to lay them out.

[Alex Roggow @Alex_Roggow]

@heckindiegs Live in Grand Rapids. Can confirm

[Alex Roggow @Alex_Roggow]

It's not guaranteed that she'll want to sleep with you a second time. Eat her ass on the first date.

[ella 🌷🎀🌱 @heavenlyenrgy]

me n who

[Alex Roggow @Alex_Roggow]

Bro she thinks pico de gallo is spicy please listen to me bro

[Alex Roggow @Alex_Roggow]

Bro she has the gene that makes cilantro taste bad, she's not worth it bro

[Alex Roggow @Alex_Roggow]

Whoever named the nervous system was spot on because I'm nervous as fuck

[Nintendo of America @NintendoAmerica]

What’s that rumbling sound? The King of Koopas is coming to the world of #LEGO Super Mario!

The Mighty Bowser building kit features a massive 2,807 bricks, a moveable head and legs, and more.

#LEGO Super Mario The Mighty Bowser roars into stores 10/1!

https://t.co/bnZBU96Rgd

[Michae| @Plz_Relax_]

There's a completely correct and fully moral way to solve this and technically you're not allowed to say it on twitter

[Alex Roggow @Alex_Roggow]

Flight just landed in Chicago and this mf comes over the speakers and says "Attention passengers who have requested wheelchairs: they have not arrived yet, please remain seated." Like buddy I think they're going to remain seated all right.

[Alex Roggow @Alex_Roggow]

If you're using an emoji to convey the tone of a text does it go at the front of the sentence or the end?

[Alex Roggow @Alex_Roggow]

Bring back tarring and feathering for politicians

[philip lewis @Phil_Lewis_]

Someone heckled Ted Cruz while he was eating at a restaurant last night

“19 children died! That’s on your hands! Ted Cruz, that’s on your hands!”

[Alex Roggow @Alex_Roggow]

I don't know who needs to hear this but you can wash cast iron with soap. The reason your grandma told you not to is because soap was made with lye back in her day. Modern soap won't strip your seasoning.

[Alex Roggow @Alex_Roggow]

Idk why people say Elon Musk is so smart when he paid $44 billion for twitter when it's literally free on the app store?

[Alex Roggow @Alex_Roggow]

Girls who type "Bahahahaha" have emotional trauma

[Alex Roggow @Alex_Roggow]

If they can't understand how good of an investment this is, they're not the one

[Alex Roggow @Alex_Roggow]

Catch me in the gym training to bear the weight of never being enough

[Alex Roggow @Alex_Roggow]

The hardest part of being single isn't even the loneliness it's picking what you want for dinner every fucking night until you die

[Alex Roggow @Alex_Roggow]

Do I like her or does the desire to be loved just outweigh the horror of being known

[Alex Roggow @Alex_Roggow]

If you toast one side of a grilled cheese a little too much, do you toast the other side to match, or do you make the two sides different levels of toastiness? Neither option feels correct. Life is endless suffering.