Alexa: Stallion of the Cimarron 🍚

comedian. just a lizard girl in a horse girl world.

[Alexa: Stallion of the Cimarron 🍚 @Alexajaggs]

No we weren't talking shit about you! We were just having a collaborative working session to brainstorm ways you could be a better person.

[Greg the Sorcerer @gregthesorcerer]

Friend: Hey man you feeling ok?

Me who’s secretly taking poison damage but trying to play it off: Yeah I’m good
-1 Ough
-1 Ow
-1 Oof
Just a little tired
-1 Nrgh
-1 Hah
-1 Oof
-1 Ghaah
-1 Kheh
-1 Augh
-1 Ough
Could I get some water?
-1 Augh
-1 Nrgh

[Alexa: Stallion of the Cimarron 🍚 @Alexajaggs]

What shoes do corpses wear at open casket funerals you can never see the feet

[Alexa: Stallion of the Cimarron 🍚 @Alexajaggs]

Acting is wild like every shy movie character who says "I can't stand being the center of attention" was played by a human who fully cannot relate.

[Alexa: Stallion of the Cimarron 🍚 @Alexajaggs]

@TimGettys @scoopie5 @BlessingJr Tysm gang 💚 your support means everything in my pursuit of stopping that menace spiderman

[Austin Kane 🫶🏻 @scoopie5]

@TimGettys @BlessingJr She also wanted pictures of Spider-Man

[b • r • i • a • n @btoastconnors]

Rihanna singing the peter pan
Whats My kids
Name calling their dog
🤝

Oh Na Na

[Saparmurat Niyazov @saparmuratfaux]

I was at a Starbucks and 'Mr. Brightside' came on and the barista leaned in and whispered "I hate this song" and the manager walked over and put his hand on the dudes shoulder, then took him out back and shot him..he fucking shot him and everyone in the store cheered.

[Alexa: Stallion of the Cimarron 🍚 @Alexajaggs]

@adambiesman Didn't realize u and Pete had beef

[Dan White @atdanwhite]

I love Yankee Candles

[Austin Kane 🫶🏻 @scoopie5]

I’m gonna leap so much this year.

[jonny sun @jonnysun]

me when the restaurant brings out bread for the table

[♥mark magark♥ @markedly]

can't believe I have to say this but please do not hunt me for sport

[Alexa: Stallion of the Cimarron 🍚 @Alexajaggs]

Sometimes I think I'm ok and then my spotify "on repeat" playlist is like no no you absolutely are not.

[Alexa: Stallion of the Cimarron 🍚 @Alexajaggs]

Normalize saying "toilet paper" when people ask if they should bring anything to your party.

[Alexa: Stallion of the Cimarron 🍚 @Alexajaggs]

I cannot describe the terror of going to a chiropractor appointment knowing you had diarrhea just an hour earlier.

[Alexa: Stallion of the Cimarron 🍚 @Alexajaggs]

Bruh you can't ignore my messages and then thirst comment on my posts. If you're gonna ghost me, take an omnichannel approach.

[Alexa: Stallion of the Cimarron 🍚 @Alexajaggs]

Rolling up to the party saying wild shit like "this music is kinda loud isn't it?" and "does anyone have tums?"