Alexanne Nusbaum

Life's too easy to be so damn complicated

[Alexanne Nusbaum @AlexanneN]

Wanna have the most fun ever? Have 4 Christmas in a week, potty train your toddler, and have a baby going through a "leap." Happy Holidays! #imfuckingjoking #sendwine

[Alexanne Nusbaum @AlexanneN]

Why does #Tylenol not make a gummy version for kids? It's about to be WWE in here to get my kid to take this

[Alexanne Nusbaum @AlexanneN]

I'm 83% sure that trying to keep a house clean for showings with 2 toddlers is how I'm going to die #somanytoys #pickupyourstuff

[Alexanne Nusbaum @AlexanneN]

How many times a day can you pick up mr. Potato head pieces before you go completely insane? #momproblems

[Alexanne Nusbaum @AlexanneN]

I can't tell if they're actually contestants or if it's just a stock picture of the new line of ken dolls #boybandabc #whyamiwatchingthis

[Alexanne Nusbaum @AlexanneN]

Sometimes I eat my kids snacks while they're napping... judge me #animalcrackersinbulk #gimmeallthecarbs

[Alexanne Nusbaum @AlexanneN]

Both of my children are currently rocking lip stain as body paint because, toddlers

[Alexanne Nusbaum @AlexanneN]

@sarahburgener If you look you won't feed them to your kids, causing your toddler to have a full meltdown in the middle of the store #parentingfacts

[Alexanne Nusbaum @AlexanneN]

Clean eating day 1: epic fail. Because dairy and carbs are literally life #fatkidforlife

[Alexanne Nusbaum @AlexanneN]

@sarahburgener I ordered 2. I think the second one would have been fine if I could've gotten different sizes for tops and bottoms. Check Venus

[Alexanne Nusbaum @AlexanneN]

@sarahburgener I've liked 1 I've gotten from there

[Alexanne Nusbaum @AlexanneN]

At one point today I resembled a human being... I now look like a short order line cook on drugs #SAHMlife #marriedsinglemom

[Alexanne Nusbaum @AlexanneN]

I just had to throw out Chicago mix popcorn so I'd stop eating it. My lack of self control has hit a new low

[Women's Humor @womenshumor]

This is so true

[Alexanne Nusbaum @AlexanneN]

Sometimes I tell myself that binge eating every now and then is totally fine... my jeans are telling me otherwise (ps I'm eating m&ms rn) 😐

[Alexanne Nusbaum @AlexanneN]

Wanted 🍕 for lunch, ate an 🍎 instead. I'm pretty sure that's going to be my only dieting win for the year #whatswimsuits #feedme

[Alexanne Nusbaum @AlexanneN]

The most impressive thing I've done today is eat a whole salted caramel in one bite without choking

[Alexanne Nusbaum @AlexanneN]

Also, can someone please save me from the hell that is trying on swimsuits you ordered online? #help #dying #whatdidiorder

[Alexanne Nusbaum @AlexanneN]

Currently wondering why I don't have a graphic tee that mentions the correlation between momming, alcohol, and survival

[Alexanne Nusbaum @AlexanneN]

My neighbors probably think I have some sort of nerve condition with the amount of dancing I do in front of my kitchen windows 😳