alexis

:/

[alexis @Alexis_D88]

a thread of me as post malone

[alexis @Alexis_D88]

nobody will ever think i'm as cool or as funny as my dad thinks i am

[alexis @Alexis_D88]

my mom just told me i yawn like the cowardly lion 😂

[alexis @Alexis_D88]

i sent my dad a picture of the dinner i made and he said "looks good. does it taste like poop?"

[mariquita @mariquitamijita]

not unpopular at all but man i love a gentleman. nothing hotter than a soft, kind, considerate man fr

[alexis @Alexis_D88]

should i?

[Яev @BODYOFACROW]

this fit used to go crazy back in my day

[alexis @Alexis_D88]

404 this year 😌

[alexis @Alexis_D88]

i'm glad jimmy john's emailed me and told me i ordered 352 inches of sandwich over the course of 2021

[alexis @Alexis_D88]

my dad said his top three favorite beers (in order) are:
1. free
2. half off
3. full price

[alexis @Alexis_D88]

thinking about season one of rock of love when rodeo was talking about when she had cancer and bret michaels compared it to his diabetes

[alexis @Alexis_D88]

my mom accidentally wiped her face with a paper towel covered in bacon grease and my dad said "oh i'm gonna be all over you tonight"

[alexis @Alexis_D88]

I ORDERED THE EXACT SAME INCHES OF SANDWICH THIS YEAR

[alexis @Alexis_D88]

i'm glad jimmy john's emailed me and told me i ordered 352 inches of sandwich over the course of 2021

[seal e yuh @peachtiime]

why are ppl so embarrassed by their Spotify wrapped, u did it bitch, you love that song, just be urself

[alexis @Alexis_D88]

leonardo davinci invented the whoopee cushion?

[jon drake @DrakeGatsby]

Vacations aren’t about making memories or having new experiences. Vacations are about having 11-15 beers a day in a city where nobody knows you

[alexis @Alexis_D88]

"we explained to the officer that the horses weren't drunk so it was fine"

[alexis @Alexis_D88]

my mom just told me that when she was younger her and her friends rode horses to the bar so they wouldn't get pulled over for drinking and driving... and then they got pulled over on their horses on the way home

[alexis @Alexis_D88]

my mom just told me that when she was younger her and her friends rode horses to the bar so they wouldn't get pulled over for drinking and driving... and then they got pulled over on their horses on the way home

[alexis @Alexis_D88]

watching bob's burgers with my dad and he says "i could so be in this show cause no one has a nice butt"

[alexis @Alexis_D88]

i just asked my dad if he's ever met a vampire and goes "yeah i went to school with a whole group of them" then continues to describe the cast of twilight

[diana 🦢 @dirtyydian]

He’s so cute i wanna live in his pocket

[alexis @Alexis_D88]

same coworker said i'm by far the cutest person that works here 😌

[alexis @Alexis_D88]

i said i was tired and my coworker goes "do you have mono?"