Alexis Schneider

[Alexis Schneider @Alexis_Kay5]

My two year old lost her mind when I crawled in bed with her because “you pants dirty!” My pants were dirty and her sheets just came out of the washer. I’m in love with this tiny monster I’ve created. 😂

[Alexis Schneider @Alexis_Kay5]

PSA: Your food DOES NOT come from the grocery store.

If this statement confuses you, DM me.

[Alexis Schneider @Alexis_Kay5]

My step son just informed me that he and has father have been using the bath and body foaming hand soap to shower with because they’ve been out of regular soap. I’m about to choose violence folks.

[Alexis Schneider @Alexis_Kay5]

Boss man wanted me to post a picture of the “fog” he took yesterday and say something about how fortunate we’ve been to get some rains and now this…

Wonder what he thought when the fog was still hanging around at 4 pm. Also, didn’t post the pic.

[Alexis Schneider @Alexis_Kay5]

Stop overextending yourself at the expense of good customer service!

[Alexis Schneider @Alexis_Kay5]

My hands are so dry, my smoothing cream isn’t even making it to my hair.

[Alexis Schneider @Alexis_Kay5]

Asked the guy taking care of our pool in Florida today if he wanted to come to Ohio and take care of ours there. His response: “no, y’all got trains exploding and shit!” 😳☠️

[Alexis Schneider @Alexis_Kay5]

@midwestern_ope @Aburmie

[Alexis Schneider @Alexis_Kay5]

Pretty sure I can’t get pregnant because I’m stressed. I’m stressed because I can’t get pregnant. So this circle is a lot of fun.

[Alexis Schneider @Alexis_Kay5]

Got an espresso at 6:30 PM. Needed it to carry me through the rest of the evening. So that’s how life is going for me right now. 🙃🫠

[Alexis Schneider @Alexis_Kay5]

Anyone else watch the new Aston Kutcher/Reese Witherspoon movie and feel attacked by the “flat ironed hair” comment that let you know it was 2003?! I haven’t straightened my hair since. 🤦🏻‍♀️😂

[Alexis Schneider @Alexis_Kay5]

Going head to head with my dad in a game of “who can use the most smartassery to prove they’re right,” is my favorite activity. And I won this round. If you know my dad, you understand the level of accomplishment here.

[Alexis Schneider @Alexis_Kay5]

Sunday morning Kroger is hilarious. There’s always a billion people and they’re either still in their church clothes or still in their pajamas. Absolutely no in between.

[Alexis Schneider @Alexis_Kay5]

The 10 minutes of sleep between snoozes is always the best sleep of the night.

[Pioneer Seeds U.S. @PioneerSeeds]

You can learn the key steps to managing Tar Spot in our next Forward-thinking Farming Webinar. https://t.co/H9H1GOg5Ao

[Alexis Schneider @Alexis_Kay5]

Who the hell is paying $80+ for WORKOUT LEGGINGS?!?! And what kind of “workout” are you doing?! Because we are VERY, VERY different people. Walmart leggings for life over here!

[Alexis Schneider @Alexis_Kay5]

Can’t believe how many people I’ve encountered that don’t realize the “auto” button on your vehicle temp controls works just like the thermostat in a house.

[Alexis Schneider @Alexis_Kay5]

Cleaning lady day brings a whole new level to “like a kid on Christmas!”

[Alexis Schneider @Alexis_Kay5]

Listening to some 20 year olds talk, mostly about their diet, over lunch at this meeting while I eat a piece of pie…brings a whole new level to enjoying my 30s. 😂

[Alexis Schneider @Alexis_Kay5]

I now understand why my mother cried every holiday throughout my entire childhood. The stress of being the mom is REAL!