Alice Lyons

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

[Alice Lyons @AliceeLyons]

As a white man, it's hard to deal with the fact that I have a far greater chance of becoming a serial killer than I do of becoming a rapper.

[Alice Lyons @AliceeLyons]

Sometimes, two people have to fall apart to realize how much they need to fall back together.

[Alice Lyons @AliceeLyons]

Apparently dogs can die if they eat a lot of chocolate. I wish I had a delicious way to kill myself.

[Alice Lyons @AliceeLyons]

A large volume of adventures may be grasped within this little span of life, by him who interests his heart in everything.-L Sterne

[Alice Lyons @AliceeLyons]

Be with someone who is proud to have you.

[Alice Lyons @AliceeLyons]

What do we want? TIME TRAVEL! When do we want it? THAT'S IRRELEVANT!

[Alice Lyons @AliceeLyons]

If you are surprised at the number of our maladies, count our cooks. ~Seneca health

[Alice Lyons @AliceeLyons]

is it normal that i want to have a social life but i hate people

[Alice Lyons @AliceeLyons]

i wish i just knew languages without having to learn them

[Alice Lyons @AliceeLyons]

When a woman tells you about her problems, that doesn't mean she's complaining. It just means she trusts you.

[Alice Lyons @AliceeLyons]

if we havent talked in forever i am very sorry i thought i was annoying you

[Alice Lyons @AliceeLyons]

ok that's baby's 17th word *opens baby journal* so far we've got flerch, yarf, veerm... honey has it occured to you our kid is an idiot

[Alice Lyons @AliceeLyons]

Durability is better than show.

[Alice Lyons @AliceeLyons]

Chewing a sugar free gum can help you overcome a craving for a fat laden snack. So keep some handy.

[Alice Lyons @AliceeLyons]

To be on the alert is to live to be lulled into security is to die.

[Alice Lyons @AliceeLyons]

A true relationship is when you can tell each other anything and everything. No secrets and no lies.

[Alice Lyons @AliceeLyons]

Need a quick nail brightener? Squeeze a lemon into a bowl of warm water. Soak for 15 mins.

[Alice Lyons @AliceeLyons]

Two roads diverge in a wood, and I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference. -Robert Frost

[Alice Lyons @AliceeLyons]

Assumptions can kill relationships.

[Alice Lyons @AliceeLyons]

why are you awake at three in the morning asks the person who is also awake at three in the morning