*sheela na gig emoji*

Cuckold for cocoa puffs.

[*sheela na gig emoji* @AlienVulva]

the omens are good. two buzzards eating skunk guts on a country road. tomorrow I clean the fridge. much fortune.

[*sheela na gig emoji* @AlienVulva]

stand back

[*sheela na gig emoji* @AlienVulva]

it is going to suck itself

[*sheela na gig emoji* @AlienVulva]

fashion is: before you leave the house put on one item that is a cry for help

[*sheela na gig emoji* @AlienVulva]

getting old is a gift! from someone who doesn’t know you very well

[*sheela na gig emoji* @AlienVulva]

I’m doing a reverse Heimlich (choking a stranger at a restaurant)

[*sheela na gig emoji* @AlienVulva]

@WetMayor Passport to The Zone

[*sheela na gig emoji* @AlienVulva]

You know that Lot firebombed the homes of the guys who tried to rape his houseguests, right? But it got out of hand and razed Sodom & Gomorrah? Then he killed the only witness to the arson, his wife, in the desert? ok so which brings me back to the importance of a good publicist,

[*sheela na gig emoji* @AlienVulva]

@WetMayor “It’s what you will one day call a ‘novel’ about what you will one day come to know as ‘war.’” 😔

[*sheela na gig emoji* @AlienVulva]

if I was put in a time machine with no technology to the long ago days I could survive using my conceptual understanding of what is a catch-22

[*sheela na gig emoji* @AlienVulva]

the empty pages in my dissertation represent when Jesus typed them for me

QED, BYU 🖕

[*sheela na gig emoji* @AlienVulva]

sherlock holmes has correctly deduced that a murder suspect grew up wearing spectacles but has recently gotten corrective surgery based solely on the angle at which they hold their face while french kissing him.
he can't live in the moment!

[*sheela na gig emoji* @AlienVulva]

UNIQUE!
That’s what you are
Stilettos ruining my hors d'oeuvres on the bar

[*sheela na gig emoji* @AlienVulva]

luv 2 live in Suicide World

[*sheela na gig emoji* @AlienVulva]

jets keep flying too low over my house and honking their horns

[*sheela na gig emoji* @AlienVulva]

H*rry St*les is ABSOLUTELY none of my business