The answer is to always be humiliating. Send that double text. Beg for what you want. I’ve never regretted it other than all of the times that I have really regretted it
At some point you really have to tell yourself "this is not an experience I want to keep having" and stop entertaining things that don't benefit you in any way.
Being self-aware but still unable to stop a BPD episode is like watching a car crash in slow motion while you're behind the wheel, fully aware of what's happening, but unable to hit the brakes.