Allie Howland

Tweets are not my own. They belong to the mice in my head running things, and whatever they say goes 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Allie Howland @AllieHowland]

@emilymunoa You didn’t sign the last one

[Allie Howland @AllieHowland]

Idk why people can’t spell my name right. It’s literally in the email you’re responding too. Try a little harder?

[Allie Howland @AllieHowland]

The people who write these Christmas Gift Guides for Dad have obviously never met my dad 🙄

[Allie Howland @AllieHowland]

I would like an order of Mindy Kaling’s entire closet, please. @mindykaling

[Allie Howland @AllieHowland]

I really miss eating a good ‘ole sandwich, you know?

[Allie Howland @AllieHowland]

Can someone please explain how everyone else is able to get their plants in the center of their pots and I can NEVER?????

[Neal Owusu @neal_thatdude]

If you do not pick a day to relax, your body will pick it for you.

[BJ ®🕊 @BASEDJESUS]

When you lose your mom in the grocery store as a kid https://t.co/TmielDO3ov

[niti @NITIN1E]

jennifer lopez in me in
her fifties my twenties

[Allie Howland @AllieHowland]

Here’s the thing: I would LOVE to be able to buy a $70 dollar tie dye lounge set that I’ll only wear at home and not feel stupid for doing it, but that’s impossible.

[TAMIU Alumni @txamiualumni]

Don't miss out on the FIRST EVER Alumni @ Home: A Virtual 50th Anniversary Bash, next Saturday, Sept. 19, 2020! 😱Art, cooking, wine tasting, Distinguished Alumni & Rising Star Awards, TAMIU Talks, cocktails & MORE! 🎉

REGISTER: https://t.co/7tY0Cx6asC

[Allie Howland @AllieHowland]

On my way to work, a cop passes me going 15-20 above the speed limit. No lights or sirens. Where does he turn in? SHIPLEY’S DONUTS 🍩 #urgent

[Allie Howland @AllieHowland]

Everyone makes fun of women for going to the bathroom in groups, but did they ever think we do that b/c we were trained from a young age to not separate from the group or go anywhere alone so we won’t be targets?

[Allie Howland @AllieHowland]

@ElysRae Dude, one time I just LOOKED at a pack of markers without saying anything and got an ad for the exact pack an hour later

[Allie Howland @AllieHowland]

@mansith Nah dude! But think about it! 8 legs

[Allie Howland @AllieHowland]

A spider is just a land octopus

[Allie Howland @AllieHowland]

@freddythe4 LOVE! Thanks for the info!

[Allie Howland @AllieHowland]

@freddythe4 Ok but what do you do??? because I’ve been doing research for weeks

[Allie Howland @AllieHowland]

Hey @xtineschiefer what was that feeling called where you realize your friend could kill you out of nowhere?? @TheEmSchulz @ATWWDpodcast

[Georgia Hardstark @GHardstark]

Introverts for mask wearing! Hide your face so acquaintances don’t recognize you and stop for an awkward conversation!