Allison Oesterle

Author, animal lover and chocolate connoisseur

[Allison Oesterle @AllisonOesterl]

@haleypauthor don’t have time to read it, but I’d recommend revising your pitch. it’s too generic. “a magical land” tells me nothing about what kind of world she’s in (are theirs elevrs, dwarves, favorites, wizards, elemental magic, sorcery, etc.), what danger she’s facing or your stakes

[Allison Oesterle @AllisonOesterl]

@PauleneTurner so I’d evaluate whether you really need all that smiling or grinning, and when it’s already implied by the action or how often you’re doing it. if you say someone grinned or smiled on every page or every other page, it’s probably too much

[Allison Oesterle @AllisonOesterl]

@PauleneTurner the advice I got from my dev editor was to cut back on some on the physical gestures. ppl used to show emotions by describing them, then they started describing the physical reactions instead (clenched fists, etc) to the point where that’s become overused.

[Allison Oesterle @AllisonOesterl]

@Wisteraverse @atudor_writes if you can, I’d also name the condition instead of saying just neurodivegence. while ND is commonly used to refer to autism, it covers a bunch of other conditions, too. adhd, dyslexia, dyspraxia, etc.

[Allison Oesterle @AllisonOesterl]

@Wisteraverse @atudor_writes I don’t think mentioning the boyfriend & a blood oath with a girl makes it clear she’s bisexual. becoming blood brothers used to be a thing between straight boys on the playground. for me, there’s no automatic association between a blood oath and romance

[Allison Oesterle @AllisonOesterl]

@Wisteraverse couple of caveats. this is rough, questions are often discouraged although I think they work here, and I may have mischaracterized your work. but that’s kind of what I mean about mentioning things without letting them eat too much word count

[Allison Oesterle @AllisonOesterl]

@Wisteraverse oh, I kept going. “After fleeing her abusive family, escaping the war-torn country of her birth, and becoming the first female engineer, Sy thought her troubles were behind her. Then ongoing relationship issues due to her neurodivegence earn her a temporary stay at an insane…

[Allison Oesterle @AllisonOesterl]

@Wisteraverse assassination, Sy is hunted by a dysfunctional family of gods. Now Sy must risk what she values most—her freedom and her mortality—as she faces becoming an immortal god to save her family.

[Allison Oesterle @AllisonOesterl]

@Wisteraverse asylum. Her roommate, Pixylian, claims to be the Empress and that her blood is the key to unlocking immense divine powers.

Who knew she was actually telling the truth? Or that Sy would be the last living being with Pixylian’s blood after an innocent blood oath? After Pixylian’s

[Allison Oesterle @AllisonOesterl]

@Wisteraverse yeah, but you can probably mention those things in your query without including them in the blurb or summary portion.

[Allison Oesterle @AllisonOesterl]

@Wisteraverse the boyfriend, the fact she’s neurodivergent, etc. don’t matter as much as your overarching plot. you’re spending a large portion of your query dealing with small details that aren’t necessary in giving a summary of your overarching plot

[Allison Oesterle @AllisonOesterl]

@Wisteraverse there’s so much information that I kind of lose track of what’s important. I’d do something like “After fleeing the war-torn country of her birth and becoming the first female engineer, Sy though her troubles were behind her.” then get into the blood oath

[Allison Oesterle @AllisonOesterl]

@Cmourbenson I would, personally. good, honest feedback is essential for improving as an author. I’d be honest but kind. if you truly think they have no potential and can’t get better, I’d probably skip the review

[Allison Oesterle @AllisonOesterl]

@BenfromBend forests

[Allison Oesterle @AllisonOesterl]

@jroberts1324 there’s an extremely easy fix here. “[Your main character]. is a cunning woman or folk healer…” adapt as necessary. then you’re using the right term and a term that modern readers will understand

[Allison Oesterle @AllisonOesterl]

@LoriHayesAuthor it wouldn’t be a deciding factor for me. in that scenario, I’d probably read a page each and decide what writing style I liked better

[Allison Oesterle @AllisonOesterl]

@kate_mckean voice matters more in fiction, so I think they need to see proof. non-fiction writers also usually have a platform so they’ve already got more credibility. a good proposal might also demonstrate the writing ability needed for a nonfiction book. it won’t for a novel

[Allison Oesterle @AllisonOesterl]

@AprilBerryBooks

[Allison Oesterle @AllisonOesterl]

@AuthorJFuller wait. there are ppl who don’t like tacos? 🤯

[Allison Oesterle @AllisonOesterl]

@ParanormalJunk2 honestly, it reads to me more like it’s coming from a non-native speaker of Google translate than AI. In my experience, ChatGPT doesn’t produce those kinds of grammatical errors