Allyson Elizabeth

I used to be conceited, but now I'm perfect.

[Allyson Elizabeth @AllyMas1]

@MoviePass @Mr_Ankrum Card declined the two times I tried to use. I sent an email first time then sent another email to let them know it declined again.They sent an email back saying my email is now at the back of the queue since I sent another email! Still being charged monthly & paying for tickets👎

[Allyson Elizabeth @AllyMas1]

@andy96mahone @SeatGeek Don’t do it. You never know if you’ll get your tickets or not, and they will never refund you.

[Allyson Elizabeth @AllyMas1]

Okay I never post on Twitter but holy shit, @SeatGeek just robbed the shit out of me. Don’t ever EVER use it to buy tickets. I mean ever. Unless you want a shitty Christmas.

[Allyson Elizabeth @AllyMas1]

*returning shirts at target* “anything wrong with them?” Me: “nope, quarantine just made me fat.” Employee: 😳

[Allyson Elizabeth @AllyMas1]

If my boyfriend farts in the room I’m in and then leaves one more time, I’m calling Trump myself to quarantine all the men in one place.

[Allyson Elizabeth @AllyMas1]

I’m literally a bottomless pit for cheeseburgers and Reese’s during this quarantine. #imstillhungry

[Allyson Elizabeth @AllyMas1]

@ellen_mariee WELP! I know how I’m spending the rest of this quarantine.

[Allyson Elizabeth @AllyMas1]

This morning in the shower, I thought “I won’t shave my legs now so I’ll have something to do later!” And that’s what our lives have become. #QuarentineLife

[Allyson Elizabeth @AllyMas1]

Yay! I finally joined the no pants for two weeks club!!

[Allyson Elizabeth @AllyMas1]

Graphic design is LITERALLY a job most people do from home anyways...how am I still being forced to be in this germinfested office!?! #halp #donttouchme

[Allyson Elizabeth @AllyMas1]

Most corporations are like “avoid contact with others germs”. Then there’s my company...”Let’s have a buffet-style ice cream bar for 50+ people!” 🙃🤭😷

[Allyson Elizabeth @AllyMas1]

Today my boyfriend said “I’ll watch one episode of #LoveIsBlind with you” and that’s the moment I knew he was the one.

[Allyson Elizabeth @AllyMas1]

My mom got me a #AAA membership and underwear for my 30th birthday, and I’ve never been so happy. #thisis30

[Allyson Elizabeth @AllyMas1]

There’s worse addictions out there than Spanish soap operas. #EliteNetflix

[Allyson Elizabeth @AllyMas1]

Whoever said “money can’t buy happiness” clearly didn’t have to eat cheese and mayo sandwiches for 4 days straight.

[Allyson Elizabeth @AllyMas1]

Today I taught a German girl the word “junk” when talking about male reproductive organs. So everything is learning new things on this trip.

[Allyson Elizabeth @AllyMas1]

@ellen_mariee I just started no processed anything and no caffeine, and I think my body is breaking down.

[Allyson Elizabeth @AllyMas1]

Wow only 3 days into 2020 and we already have the worst song of the year. #yummy

[Allyson Elizabeth @AllyMas1]

If y’all need to find me, I’ll be the extra ass bitch in the rhinestones and fur coat, who can’t walk in her shoes. So basically you won’t be able to find me. #whereswaldo #seaofbasic

[Allyson Elizabeth @AllyMas1]

Will I ever love and care for my own children as much as I love and care for baby yoda?