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AloomaRay
@AloomaRay
I'm talking to God. Or the Gin is. It's tough to say for sure.
Joined September 2010
2.8K
Following
3.8K
Followers
301
Posts
AloomaRay
@AloomaRay
about 4 years ago
God told me why Santa isn’t getting into heaven anymore. And you guessed it. 100% Amber Heard’s fault.
#AmberHeard
#AmbersFault
#JohnnyDepp
#heardvsdepp
AloomaRay
@AloomaRay
about 4 years ago
I asked God who’s smarter,
#Yoda
or
#ElonMusk
? Guess Her answer.
#Yoda
#ElonMusk
#MayTheFourth
@MayThe4th
#YodaVsElon
#ElonVsYoda
AloomaRay
@AloomaRay
over 4 years ago
God told me St. Patrick's Day was invented by the Swiss in the early 1900s. But I'd bet my Irish Army Knife that She's wrong.
#StPatricksDay
AloomaRay
@AloomaRay
almost 11 years ago
God told me that dolphins aren't as smart as people say. So what. It's not their brains I'm attracted to, if you know what I mean.
Who to follow
Christina Korp
@Xtina_Korp
Astronaut Wrangler | Producer | Space Believer #AimHigher #SpaceforaBetterWorld @SPACEfabWorld @TPISFS #LookuptoHER
Greg Lammers
@GregLammers
passing notes when the teacher ain't lookin'
St Ethelburga's Centre for Reconciliation & Peace
@StEthelburgas
Our work sits at the intersection of #climate and #peace. We believe there can be no peace on Earth unless we realise peace with Earth. https://t.co/e0oxL8YLKA
AloomaRay
@AloomaRay
almost 11 years ago
God says She isn't afraid to torture the damned while they're still on earth. Which totally explains what's happening to Carrot Top.
AloomaRay
@AloomaRay
almost 11 years ago
God told me that I really should put my pyjama bottoms back on. Isn't that just like Her? Always siding with Mall Security.
AloomaRay
@AloomaRay
almost 11 years ago
God told me She really hates it when I pray to Yoda instead of Her. Looks like jealousy really is a green monster.
AloomaRay
@AloomaRay
almost 11 years ago
God asked me what I did with my eyebrows? It's pretty obvious what I did with them. The question is, can She help me get them back.
AloomaRay
@AloomaRay
almost 11 years ago
God told me to give everything I have to the Kardashians. Somehow that doesn't seem right to me. I mean, what would I have left for Miley?
AloomaRay
@AloomaRay
almost 11 years ago
I asked God for an extra row of teeth. I assumed She knew I wanted them in my mouth, but beggars can't be choosers I guess.
AloomaRay
@AloomaRay
almost 11 years ago
@Maxeightyeight
Cheers.
AloomaRay
@AloomaRay
almost 11 years ago
God told me there's no free Wifi in heaven. She says She wants everybody to have a good time, but it's not like She's running a charity.
AloomaRay
@AloomaRay
almost 11 years ago
God told me She's got a plan for everyone of us. Except for Randy Jackson. He's on his own.
AloomaRay
@AloomaRay
almost 11 years ago
God told me my vasectomy didn't take. Terrible news. But it explains why all the cats in the neighbourhood look like me.
AloomaRay
@AloomaRay
almost 11 years ago
God says I went "too far" with my implants. Maybe with the left one...maybe.
AloomaRay
@AloomaRay
almost 11 years ago
@itsrealwords
@miamiheat_mix
And for a parrot made of gold...but that still talks... But only when it's got a great stock tip.
AloomaRay
@AloomaRay
almost 11 years ago
@CrazyMohawk76
Bless you.
AloomaRay
@AloomaRay
almost 11 years ago
@CrazyMohawk76
@lelandmauro
Wow. And to think of all that incense I wasted.
AloomaRay
@AloomaRay
almost 11 years ago
God told me not to drink the subway water. But She changed Her mind when She saw how much I liked it. She's really great like that.
AloomaRay
@AloomaRay
almost 11 years ago
God told me we are all brothers and sisters. I'm just glad I found out before my date on Saturday.
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