The Dread Pirate Rowan

Middle-aged women with teenaged sense of humour & ADHD. Astrophysicist, author, feminist, cricket fan, yarn hoarder, cake artist, Lego nut, mad cat-lady.

[The Dread Pirate Rowan @AlternateRowan]

How my middle-aged brain does time:
• “A couple of years ago” = approx 2015 onwards
• “A few years ago” = this century
• “A little while ago” 1990s
• “Way back when I was in school” 1980s
• “Ages ago” = some point between 1970 and 1990, can’t be more specific

[The Dread Pirate Rowan @AlternateRowan]

@CharlesDagnall Not your most dignified moment!

[The Dread Pirate Rowan @AlternateRowan]

Up at the Oval to cheer on @surreycricket in the women’s @VitalityBlast final with the uni student formerly known as MiniSurreyFan. Hope @CharlesDagnall is ok after his energetic dive into the ball pit.

[The Dread Pirate Rowan @AlternateRowan]

@ThatChris1209 @somersetbagpuss That’s a big nope from me!

[The Dread Pirate Rowan @AlternateRowan]

@ask_aubry What should you do? Hmmm…

[The Dread Pirate Rowan @AlternateRowan]

@ADHDForReal Space fact 2: you can fit all of the other planets of the solar system between Earth and the Moon, but you have to tip Saturn a bit to get the rings in.

[The Dread Pirate Rowan @AlternateRowan]

@ADHDForReal Although “you can’t go faster than the speed of light” is broadly true, the most distant reaches of the universe ARE moving away from us faster than light speed due to expansion. It is impossible for light from those stars ever to reach Earth, no matter how long it exists.

[The Dread Pirate Rowan @AlternateRowan]

“I know what will make me hugely popular - rollerblading through London Bridge station at rush hour” - said no one* ever

*(with more than 2 brain cells to rub together)

[The Dread Pirate Rowan @AlternateRowan]

@ask_aubry Does… does she really think stars have a hole in the middle where the giant eyeball goes?

Also, ‘planets don’t exist’ is asking for a ‘head rammed up Uranus’ joke and I’m not even a tiny bit sorry for my immaturity.

[The Dread Pirate Rowan @AlternateRowan]

@ThatChris1209 Won’t the genetically engineered woolly elephants be scared of the genetically engineered woolly mice? Or have cartoons been lying to me all these years?

[The Dread Pirate Rowan @AlternateRowan]

@kaceygreen @ask_aubry Wasn’t it Ed Kemper who hung out at a local bar where police drank, and they all thought he was a nice bloke?

[The Dread Pirate Rowan @AlternateRowan]

@ask_aubry You can guarantee that if he HAD upset his wife by comparing her to ‘Vanessa’ he would have:
1) given it 2 weeks max before “are you STILL going on about it?!”
2) never reduced contact with Vanessa
3) doubled down with “maybe if you (…) I wouldn’t need to think about her”

[The Dread Pirate Rowan @AlternateRowan]

@Number10cat Is this because someone typo’d “praise the lard” and he just ran with it?

[The Dread Pirate Rowan @AlternateRowan]

@dutchblendc @estherzelda0514 @ask_aubry And add, in a really patronising tone, “but I understand, I know you get irrational when it’s that time of the month”.

[The Dread Pirate Rowan @AlternateRowan]

@ask_aubry Hey, this is so effective that he can repel women all around the world without even having to have nasty sinful contact first.

[The Dread Pirate Rowan @AlternateRowan]

@RuhoyMD Ah yes, the unholy trinity of dismissing women’s health concerns:
- any form of mental health history
- “could you be pregnant?”
- “you probably just need to lose some weight”

[The Dread Pirate Rowan @AlternateRowan]

@helenraw @ask_aubry Cackling at ‘storage flaps’. I had an ex who thought ‘flaps’ was a sexy word. And no. Just … no.

[The Dread Pirate Rowan @AlternateRowan]

@helenraw @ask_aubry I wouldn’t even be surprised if this was linked to why women’s clothes don’t have proper pockets.

[The Dread Pirate Rowan @AlternateRowan]

@ask_aubry

[The Dread Pirate Rowan @AlternateRowan]

@ask_aubry He won’t go in the kitchen because it’s gross. HOWEVER DID THAT HAPPEN?!?

[The Dread Pirate Rowan @AlternateRowan]

@ask_aubry I’d put real money on this guy messaging women using that nauseating role play speak.