Alyson Eagle

Watch my tweet, wa-wa-watch my tweet.

[Alyson Eagle @AlysonEagle]

Not a terrible way to start my day #coffee #Himalayas #FishtailMountain #CrispAir ☺️🗻☕️

[Alyson Eagle @AlysonEagle]

“I have to stop eating Tylenol for breakfast” is a sentence I just said to myself. #ThisIs35

[Alyson Eagle @AlysonEagle]

How is there not a lime emoji? @apple

[Alyson Eagle @AlysonEagle]

A patient asked me for a toothpick at the beginning of shift last night at like 8pm and I told her I’d look for one and the next time I thought about looking for a toothpick was right now. #BadNurse

[Alyson Eagle @AlysonEagle]

“The holidays are so tough…” the adults always used to say. I never understood. I understand now. 😮‍💨

[Alyson Eagle @AlysonEagle]

Why does it feel so much grosser when the paper towels in public restrooms are brown instead of white? #Grosser

[Alyson Eagle @AlysonEagle]

💭

[Alyson Eagle @AlysonEagle]

I wonder what Peruvian is wearing my favorite Iowa sweats that I left behind in 2012. I loved those pants so much.

[Alyson Eagle @AlysonEagle]

If @garthbrooks has never been #GarthVader for Halloween, he’s been missing a big opportunity here.

[Alyson Eagle @AlysonEagle]

Hey, @tedcruz , 🖕🏼.

[Bernie Sanders @BernieSanders]

Senator Cruz, let me introduce to you a group of nurses and working class Americans who, in many cases, are working two jobs and over 40 hours a week just to pay off their student debt and pay for the basic necessities of life. No, they are not slackers. They deserve relief.

[Alyson Eagle @AlysonEagle]

@Eagle_Jenn 😂😂😂 I LOVE CONE! 🌽

[Alyson Eagle @AlysonEagle]

I love me some good finds at Goodwill, but why, every time I leave there, do my hands feel like they have tiny shards of glass in them?

[Alyson Eagle @AlysonEagle]

Still 😂💀 @Eagle_Jenn

[HasbullaHive 🐐 @HasbullaHive]

no one:

birds at 6 am:

[Alyson Eagle @AlysonEagle]

#UnsolvedMysteries

[Alyson Eagle @AlysonEagle]

If I’ve learned anything from this process of purchasing a home, it’s that adulting is a series of, “why the fuck can’t people just do their jobs correctly?” until we die.

[Alyson Eagle @AlysonEagle]

@nicki_ric 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 💨😶‍🌫️

[Alyson Eagle @AlysonEagle]

How TF do I think of some of this shit? This is so true tho. #AutisticBrain

[Alyson Eagle @AlysonEagle]

It's annoying how dusty walnuts are like why can't I just eat my nuts without looking like the kid on Sandlot who blew up the tree house?

[Alyson Eagle @AlysonEagle]

@Narv_Got_Sole Welp. I’m feeling personally attacked on a couple different levels here 😂

[Alyson Eagle @AlysonEagle]

Why do banks not open until 9am? Wasting my damn time. #NightShiftProbz #GuessIllNapInTheParkingLotTill9am 🙄

[Alyson Eagle @AlysonEagle]

If I’m lucky, I will be kicked out of my apartment complex for this. 🤞🏼 🤷🏼‍♀️ #iFuckingHateItHere

[Alyson Eagle @AlysonEagle]

My toxic trait is that I think everything needs cheese. And if it already has cheese, it needs more cheese. 🧀🙁

[Alyson Eagle @AlysonEagle]

Not a bad way to start #InternationalWomensDay 🤷🏼‍♀️🤩🩺