Alyssa Jordan

here to complain

[Alyssa Jordan @AlyssaJordan91]

Live update: someone just ripped a bong on a zoom meeting at work. Poor girl thought her camera was off. She also wasn’t muted. There were 60 people on the call…..

LMFAO

I’m dead. ☠️

[Alyssa Jordan @AlyssaJordan91]

When you make a charcuterie board for your friends, I’ve never felt more adult.

[Alyssa Jordan @AlyssaJordan91]

@Shmandy143 I’m crying over here in WA. 5.95 a gal. 🆘 guess I’ll walk now

[Alyssa Jordan @AlyssaJordan91]

Beware of those who aren’t happy for your success.

[Alyssa Jordan @AlyssaJordan91]

Nothing more exciting then your crush picking you during heads up 7 up.

[Alyssa Jordan @AlyssaJordan91]

Played golf, cleaned house, did yard work, in bed by 10pm all weekend. Who the fuck am I

[Alyssa Jordan @AlyssaJordan91]

Seattle girls are boring

[Alyssa Jordan @AlyssaJordan91]

One time some girl from Seattle called me ghetto and honestly I’ve never been more proud.

[Alyssa Jordan @AlyssaJordan91]

My coworker forgot to mute herself on a zoom call and she told her kid to STFU. I’m dead.

[Alyssa Jordan @AlyssaJordan91]

God’s Plan

[Alyssa Jordan @AlyssaJordan91]

Melatonin makes me have some wild ass dreams. Damn.

[Alyssa Jordan @AlyssaJordan91]

What the fuck just happened?! #Oscars

[Alyssa Jordan @AlyssaJordan91]

@Shmandy143 Especially weenies. They bad!

[Alyssa Jordan @AlyssaJordan91]

Someone just yelled “where’s Carmen Sandiego” at the bar and It’s like I’m in elementary school again.

[Alyssa Jordan @AlyssaJordan91]

Football is over and I’m v sad. Till next year.

[Snoop Dogg @SnoopDogg]

Thank you 4 a beautiful night !!

[Alyssa Jordan @AlyssaJordan91]

Nothing more cringe than a group of girls taking a photo saying act “candid”. babe, you’re in your thirties.

[Katherine Barner @katscadenza]

Saturday's sunrise with not a single cloud in the sky 😍

[Alyssa Jordan @AlyssaJordan91]

People who don’t like spicy food scary me.

[Alyssa Jordan @AlyssaJordan91]

I’ve surrounded myself with some dope people the last couple years and my happiness has dramatically increased.