THE AMANDA ALLEN SHOW

Enjoy the show 🎬✨ BTS 👻 AmandaAllenShow

[Jaron Myers @jaronmyers]

We’re all so emotionally damaged from this last year and a half that Steve from Blue’s Clues was like “I have to address the nation”

[Patrick Doran @lunch_enjoyer]

its healthy to mumble “i want to kill myself” at the grocery store when you remember something you said 5 years ago

[THE AMANDA ALLEN SHOW @AmandaAllenShow]

As a festive treat & long hiatus, I’ve decided to take my bullshit back to Twitter.

Merry Christmas, M*therF*ckers.

[THE AMANDA ALLEN SHOW @AmandaAllenShow]

I DON’T understand basements and I hate the fact that I don’t want to ~go~ in there but like I also don’t want to never check and then realize there’s a whole squad of who knows what down there you know

[Lee Newton @leenewtonsays]

THE. MASK. GOES. OVER. YOUR. NOSE.

[Mike Jones @edesroches23]

Treat yourself like I-95 and never stop working on yourself no matter how inconvenient it is for everyone else

[THE AMANDA ALLEN SHOW @AmandaAllenShow]

My father has the AUDACITY to kick me out of our Spotify premium family plan on a WEDNESDAY

A WEDNESDAY????!!!

Whatever, I father my own Spotify premium now. 🖕🏼

@callherdaddy

[THE AMANDA ALLEN SHOW @AmandaAllenShow]

Accompanying gifts & compliments are semi optional

[Emily @chaaardoll]

Until I hear “can you be my girlfriend?” I am single.

[Call Her Daddy @callherdaddy]

#SingleFather @alexandracooper

[THE AMANDA ALLEN SHOW @AmandaAllenShow]

This trend where parents think it’s cute and fun to expose how efficient they are at discipline & parenting via candy tests is very amusing to me

Like, of course Apple ate the candy, Karen. You put an iPad in her face and exploit her for the gram daily whaddya expect

[THE AMANDA ALLEN SHOW @AmandaAllenShow]

I hereby would like to announce that If you get some ridiculous non making sense text from me

I’m okay I swear

Its that I haven’t had my nails done in months and now that I do I don’t know how to act sos so many clicky noises 😭😭

[THE AMANDA ALLEN SHOW @AmandaAllenShow]

Listening to the very first episode of @callherdaddy Sofia introduces herself and says “Hi my name is Sofia Franklin & I’m pretty much here to ride Alex’s coattails”

I just died lmao gotta love a good foreshadow

[THE AMANDA ALLEN SHOW @AmandaAllenShow]

Getting your hair colored and having to wear a mask is a real freaking task

[THE AMANDA ALLEN SHOW @AmandaAllenShow]

“Ranch & celery is $0.89.”

“I don’t want the celery!! Just the ranch. How much is that?”

“Eighty nine cents”

“Well then how much is a side of celery?

“It’s free, it just comes with the ranch...”

“Well then I want extra celery. Also how much for another side of ranch?”

🤦🏼‍♀️🙄

[Matt Bellassai @MattBellassai]

been making coffee at home instead of getting starbucks for two months which according to economists should’ve made me a billionaire by now so what is happening

[Clay @Clayhill10]

My wife just put on self tanner, walked out and held her arm next to mine and literally called me a “pale peasant ass bitch”....
I paid for the fucking tanner

[THE AMANDA ALLEN SHOW @AmandaAllenShow]

I’m way more upset about losing @callherdaddy than I should be