Amanda Xeller 🌺

Dreamer, Writer, Comedienne, Laugher. Dumpster Dog Jesus. Probably listening to Van Halen or sumptin idk.

[Amanda Xeller 🌺 @AmandaXeller]

In addition to having "We Think You'll Enjoy" suggestions, streaming platforms should offer "We Think You'll Enjoy The First 15 Minutes And Then Turn This Off" recommendations

[Amanda Xeller 🌺 @AmandaXeller]

Re-Watching How The Grinch Stole Christmas and realizing a huge part of The Grinch's origin story stems from a shaving incident.

[Amanda Xeller 🌺 @AmandaXeller]

Nothing like having a stomach virus, going to the bathroom, and knowing just for a few moments before you wipe that you have the Stinkiest Butt in the world.

[Amanda Xeller 🌺 @AmandaXeller]

I don't consider myself an angry person, unless I'm trying to make a point while on a zoom meeting and then am told I'm on mute.

[Amanda Xeller 🌺 @AmandaXeller]

The same kids who showed off their scars, scabs, and bruises grew up to be the adults vocal about their IBS, bad knees, and how many pills they take each morning.

[Amanda Xeller 🌺 @AmandaXeller]

"Killers of the Flower Moon" or "Leo, why so sad?"

[Amanda Xeller 🌺 @AmandaXeller]

The first thing most people say when they wake up: "Good Morning!"
The first thing I say after I wake up: "Alexa, play Higher by Creed!"

[Amanda Xeller 🌺 @AmandaXeller]

Wanted to get loose fitting pants for work so I googled "Office JNCOs"

[Amanda Xeller 🌺 @AmandaXeller]

Thought my co-worker loved the Addams Family because of a picture he had on his desk of Wednesday and Pugsley. Nope. Turns out those are his kids.

[Amanda Xeller 🌺 @AmandaXeller]

I can't tell if I love this lamp cuz I'm kinda goth deep down or cuz I think it's friggin' hysterical. Just look at this bat holding the candles like trays of hors d'oeuvres. "Fancy a LIGHT snack?" 😂
...I've had a week you guys.

[Amanda Xeller 🌺 @AmandaXeller]

Just when I thought nothing could top my insane week, a couple sat down next to me during a screening of Oldboy and proceeded to give each other handjobs during both the teeth and flashback scenes.

[Amanda Xeller 🌺 @AmandaXeller]

It's amazing how emotional my period makes me. Even the Pepto Bismol commercials are making me cry.

[Amanda Xeller 🌺 @AmandaXeller]

I bet all of these NYC rats have dreams of becoming a real life Ratatouille.

[Amanda Xeller 🌺 @AmandaXeller]

Time for the Annual Parade of Red Flags, aka the introductions of the competitors for the Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest.

[Amanda Xeller 🌺 @AmandaXeller]

Me rolling up to babysit some toddlers, have a meatball and red sauce dinner all while wearing white pants: "I too like to live dangerously." 😎

[Amanda Xeller 🌺 @AmandaXeller]

VERY disappointed that not one of the eurodance parties I've attended in the last few months has played Mr. Vain. What can I say. I know what I want and I want it now.

[Amanda Xeller 🌺 @AmandaXeller]

Are Logan Roy and Kendall Roy just Dr. Evil and Scott Evil?

[Amanda Xeller 🌺 @AmandaXeller]

Overheard someone throw massive shade and I was so surprised I farted, but don’t worry, my fart sounded exactly like “oop.”

[Amanda Xeller 🌺 @AmandaXeller]

Watching a french film and put on english closed captions, which so far have been [foreign language].

[Amanda Xeller 🌺 @AmandaXeller]

Day 6 of being sick. Watching the Price is Right and am laughing through my cough at the announcer burying "coach" when talking about the round trip flight to Sweden.