Amandahackercomedy

she/her, stand up comedian. All around maker of tomfoolery

[Amandahackercomedy @Amanda_Hacker]

When you get a Taco Bell app notification in the middle of your workout like some sort of siren song beckoning you to a Cheesy Gordita Crunch instead of deadlifts.

[Amandahackercomedy @Amanda_Hacker]

Follow my shenanigans on alllll the socials

[Amandahackercomedy @Amanda_Hacker]

@ponyy_spl Is that still the case? Can I come sell?

[Amandahackercomedy @Amanda_Hacker]

When you’re chubby and funny it’s not the delivery…it’s Digiorno.

[Amandahackercomedy @Amanda_Hacker]

Barry Manilow is the peacock to Neil Diamond’s turkey. I will be taking no questions at this time.

[Amandahackercomedy @Amanda_Hacker]

You’ve heard of Elf on the Shelf but have you heard of CHEWING WITH YOUR MOUTH CLOSED!

[Amandahackercomedy @Amanda_Hacker]

If someone stops working at Goodwill, do they really “quit” or do they just donate their job?

[Amandahackercomedy @Amanda_Hacker]

@tommychong Freedom Cats Podcast

[Amandahackercomedy @Amanda_Hacker]

@johncusack Freedom Cats Podcast

[Amandahackercomedy @Amanda_Hacker]

Remember the good ole days when you could just blame a global pandemic when you didn’t feel like going to something? Now if I even try to blame Covid people will be like: “Oh you have Covid? So we will see you at 7 right?”

[Amandahackercomedy @Amanda_Hacker]

The Venn diagram of people obsessed with Garden State in their 20’s, and people who now have diagnosed major depression is just a circle.

[Amandahackercomedy @Amanda_Hacker]

Oh you like my personality? Thanks. It’s a disorder. We appreciate the compliment.

[Amandahackercomedy @Amanda_Hacker]

@han_uhh_ I know you’re talking to your coffee but I’m still gonna take that compliment 🤣

[Amandahackercomedy @Amanda_Hacker]

@AuntyDonnaBoys I’ll be the 2nd one if you play your cards right! 🤣

[Amandahackercomedy @Amanda_Hacker]

Imagine if someone had given cocaine to the Care Bears. Love-a-lot would just be hitting on everyone! Grumpy Bear would go off on some rant about destroying capitalism. Tenderheart Bear would constantly ask “is everyone care bear staring at us?”

[Amandahackercomedy @Amanda_Hacker]

@KieranDocherty We usually binge all of the mandalorian when the season is complete. But I heard about that and love it. I saw my boy in the new Mario movie yesterday. It made me so happy

[Amandahackercomedy @Amanda_Hacker]

In this life there are three constants you can always count on: death, taxes, and NBC being in the middle of a season of “The Voice.”