Amir Schuman

I do spoken word poetry

[Amir Schuman @AmirSchuman]

John: I don’t know if I want to take the ring so quickly

Guardian: Oh, well then yo momma must be a dumb hoe, she was wrong about you

And we were right, yo daddy a bitch and you definitely his son
#Lanterns

[Amir Schuman @AmirSchuman]

I scroll back on peoples Facebook photos and if they took intensive math or intensive reading I save the pic in case they ever wanna talk about politics 😁
#petty

[Amir Schuman @AmirSchuman]

So the X-men 97 writers just want us to cry until the next season is out? Cool 🥲
#xmen97 #marvel

[Amir Schuman @AmirSchuman]

Watch Drake give that goth girl’s mom an igloo as a house.

Then post “ICEMAN STRIKES AGAIN 🥶”

And drop another 3 albums
#Drake #20v1

[Amir Schuman @AmirSchuman]

@Catholicizm1 It’s left in so people think it isn’t performative. It didn’t work but it’s a nice try 😁

[Amir Schuman @AmirSchuman]

All this drama with Megan and Klay got me thinking about how I shot myself in the foot when I dropped the ball in our relationship…

Be well, give your dog some treats for me 💙

[Amir Schuman @AmirSchuman]

Who knew about Tickled Pink before this? 👀
#Karen #whitepeople #crowdwork #blackcomedian

[Amir Schuman @AmirSchuman]

I wanna go back to this place but I doubt they’ll let me back in 😭
#standupcomedy #crowdwork

[Amir Schuman @AmirSchuman]

Send this to a yt and let them know how much danger they're in!
#comedy #StandUp

[Amir Schuman @AmirSchuman]

I'm out here trying to get a car ride with @JColeNC like winning that danimals contest 😭

[Amir Schuman @AmirSchuman]

I feel like this is most people on threads

[Amir Schuman @AmirSchuman]

*Nick Reiner looks in the Mirror*
"Hello, My name is Nick Reiner. You killed my father. Prepare to die"
#RobReiner

[Amir Schuman @AmirSchuman]

@NSeems2452116 @wjxt4 Sounds more like a Dale Earnhardt wannabe to me. We all know the usual suspects for that 😂

[Amir Schuman @AmirSchuman]

Congrats to @charliekirk11 for becoming the new face of Oxi-Clean 🥳
#CharlieKirkshot

[Amir Schuman @AmirSchuman]

The hardest part of office Mondays is having an answer to "how was your weekend?" for like 15 different people.

I'm gonna start having different stories for different people. Half the office thinks I got married Saturday. The other half thinks I got divorced

[Amir Schuman @AmirSchuman]

If someone time traveled from 50 years ago they would be real
confused.

"So earth is hot as fuck but people hate ICE for some reason? Weird."

[Amir Schuman @AmirSchuman]

I just paid $6 for an Auntie Anne's pretzel. You have to break a $10 for a pretzel in the mall now. Next time ya'll wanna riot I'll join on Zoom

[Amir Schuman @AmirSchuman]

Joey Bada$$ treating the west coast like a Mortal Kombat ladder rn

[Amir Schuman @AmirSchuman]

If you get it you get it

[Amir Schuman @AmirSchuman]

They really didn't give a f*ck about Biden. I bet Trump gets a prostate exam everyday
#JoeBiden #DonaldTrump