Amers Gibs

[🌸(Halen)🌸Hargreaves @halenhargreevs]

You're old, but are you this old?

[Bexxy @Bexxy__19]

UPDATE ON GERALD AND THE CROW SITUATION:

Things have escalated.

I repeat.

THINGS HAVE FUCKING ESCALATED.

For those of you just joining us, yesterday I accidentally entered into diplomatic relations with a gang of crows after Gerald stole my good spoon.

Well.

This morning I walked outside and Gerald was waiting for me.

Alone.

Standing directly in the middle of my driveway.

No screaming.

No hopping around.

Just staring at me like a tiny feathered loan shark who had come to collect.

I said, “Morning, Gerald.”

He tilted his head.

I gave him a walnut.

He did not eat it.

Instead, this motherfucker picked it up, walked three steps to the left, PUT IT DOWN, and stared at me again.

Message received.

The offering was insufficient.

So I went back inside and got more walnuts.

When I returned…

THERE WERE NINE CROWS.

Nine.

Yesterday there were seven.

Gerald is fucking recruiting.

And they were arranged in a SEMICIRCLE.

This isn’t a bird friendship anymore.

I’m funding organized crime.

I distributed the walnuts because apparently I pay protection money now.

Everything seemed fine until one of the smaller crows tried taking two.

Gerald immediately screamed at him.

The little one dropped the second walnut.

I have accidentally created an economy.

Gerald controls distribution.

There’s a hierarchy.

There are consequences.

I’m pretty sure I witnessed a disciplinary hearing before breakfast.

Then Gerald flew away.

I thought we were done.

WE WERE NOT DONE.

Twenty minutes later I looked outside and there was something sitting where Gerald had been standing.

A bottle cap.

A shiny rock.

And…

MY FUCKING SPOON.

HE RETURNED THE SPOON.

Ladies and gentlemen.

I believe we have successfully negotiated a trade agreement.

Unfortunately, there is now a crow sitting on my mailbox.

So I still cannot get my fucking mail.

I tried approaching.

He puffed up.

I backed away.

That mailbox belongs to the organization now.

At this point I’m just a tenant.

Anyway, Gerald has officially been promoted to General Gerald, Commander of the Driveway, First of His Name, Keeper of the Good Spoon, Lord of the Power Line, Collector of Walnuts, and Regional Manager of Whatever The Fuck Is Happening Here.

I’ll keep everyone updated.

But if I suddenly stop posting…

Gerald found out I told you.

[Amers Gibs @AmyGibs817]

It's my top game changer this season!!!

[demi adejuyigbe @electrolemon]

this is my all-time favorite episode of game changer

[christine 🌿 @xtinemarx]

the conservative mind can’t fathom the concept of boston massachusetts

[Jedi @dhe3g]

Seven hours. All children.

[Sam Reich @samreich]

one year older, four rules wiser

[The Eras Tour @tswifterastour]

🚨| Taylor Swift stuns and others!

[Amers Gibs @AmyGibs817]

@leia_x7 @tswifterastour After the Orange Cheeto's de-buff last game this is so true!!

[The Eras Tour @tswifterastour]

🚨| Taylor Swift and the HAIM sisters at the Knicks game!

"Knickelback, Stevie Knicks, Knickole Kidman"

[you ain’t got no job tommy! @AceRedBand1t]

Why the fuck I gotta pay for some shit I’m not using??

[Mayor Zohran Kwame Mamdani @NYCMayor]

It would take far more than a month to honor the contributions of queer and transgender New Yorkers.

From the Cercle Hermaphroditos in 1895, the first trans advocacy group in the United States, to the drag balls of the Harlem Renaissance, to the Stonewall uprising, to the Lesbian Herstory Archives, to ACT UP!, founded in 1987 as queer people fought for their lives while the Reagan administration looked away, New York City's history has long been shaped by queer and trans New Yorkers.

To all our queer and trans neighbors: you deserve a City where you can afford to live safely, openly, and joyfully.

Happy Pride, New York City.

[Clarence Thomas the Tank Engine @TheRealJChubby]

At a certain point you have to recognize that your government is at war with you.

[Isaiah Martin @isaiahrmartin]

Now let’s do that nationwide

[Sam Reich @samreich]

everyones got their favorites, even @LegalEagle

[Joe @electionsjoe]

Oh. He just said that out loud. Oh.

[milo |-/ @crosshairlvr]

finding out the artemis ii astronauts talked with poets and studied poetry so they knew how to properly convey what they were seeing in words and saying that the arts played a huge role in their time in space. oh my god

[Charlotte Clymer 🇺🇦 @cmclymer]

To graduating college students who boo commencement speakers for praising AI:

We are very proud of you. Well done.

[Thomas Sanders @ThomasSanders]

I understand there are more important things for science to be focused on right now but I still would like a pet dragon.

[Thomas Sanders @ThomasSanders]

To those who doubted me 🛏️

[Drew Savicki @DrewSav]

The speed at which red states are moving to diminish Black voting power shows how Reconstruction was necessary and should never have ended.