Nobody is perfect in a healthy relationship — what makes it “healthy” is each individuals willingness to grow, forgive, communicate and express needs and respect the other. You evolve individually and as a couple.
Relational trauma will cause you to think negatively about yourself, speak harshly & critically & place too much importance on what others think of you. Healing looks like reclaiming your inner voice, practicing self-compassion & learning to acknowledge and approve of yourself!
Believing you’re better than other people is a common mindset for trauma survivors who are healing.
And it happens because as you grow more aware of your survival mechanisms, you overcompensate. In the past you felt powerless and now you’re seeking a way to feel powerful.
Overlooked behaviors that are abusive:
1. Ghosting: disappearing on someone trying to communicate with you
2. Silent treatment: not responding to someone trying to communicate with you
@AmyTheLifeCoach
Katt Williams said, "if you wanted me to speak more highly of you then perhaps you should have treated me better..." You don't get to narrate MY story of MY experiences with you".
Ask yourself “whose voice is that”? Often it’s what was said to you by others or what you overheard and witnessed others saying to themselves. Thats how our inner narrative is formed!
Conflict allows you to understand each others needs deeper and meet them easier. Conflict avoidance is intimacy avoidance which is also avoidance of growth, a more secure connection, and love.
When you’re coping with world news that is traumatizing, remember that your way of coping will absolutely look different than others.
Remember: Some freeze. Some fight. Some flee. Some want to please & appease.
Let’s not also forget access to executive functioning is typically not available. That means some may not be able to speak about something even if they wanted to.
It’s usually not “there’s something wrong with you” in spite of what you may think after experiencing trauma.
Trauma survivors tend to always self-blame (usually bc we were blamed) for others behaviors.
Get in the habit of saying “there’s something wrong with the situation.”
I won’t ever invalidate someone’s experience. You only know what you’ve been through.
I will however educate and remind us all to use better discernment when it comes to our words, labels and management of our emotions especially when we are dealing with other people.
Careful calling everyone you meet that you don’t like a ‘narcissist’. They’re not.
We all have narcissistic tendencies.
But to over-generalize and weaponize a label that exists on a spectrum and requires specific criteria to be diagnosed as one is incredibly harmful.