โจ16 months clean and 100% sober.
Still have nightmares
Still broken
Still baffled by -situations- ๐
Surprised that I can ask for help.
Amazed that I can show up.
Incredible to love and be loved despite imperfections. ๐๐ผโจ
A new life just starting to take shape.
#blessed
Weekly or so I dream of drinking, sometimes accidentally, and hiding it and sometimes then deciding Iโve messed it all up anyway so I should just go for it. Then I wake up and feel small and broken.
Almost 4 years clean and sober, around 8 years off of heroin. I honestly don't want to get high and last night I still dreamt of having heroin in my pocket desperate for a moment to shoot it. Do you guys still have using dreams?
Sitting here trying to decide if I should take 3 classes in addition to my full time job in the fall or 2.
This is only possible to consider because Iโm sober.
I can reliably show up for a full time job, school, meetings and service.
What is this miracle?!
#recovery ๐๐ผโจ
โInvisible threads are the strongest ties.โ -Nietzsche
We forget this so easily in the dazzle of the ongoing hustle to obtain material wealth and objects that give us status.
In truth, weโre busted if weโre without someone to share our tiny moments with.
#mondaythoughts
โจ16 months clean and 100% sober.
Still have nightmares
Still broken
Still baffled by -situations- ๐
Surprised that I can ask for help.
Amazed that I can show up.
Incredible to love and be loved despite imperfections. ๐๐ผโจ
A new life just starting to take shape.
#blessed
I hope that I can one day present myself honestly and humbly without the show and the veils.
I hope that somehow people choose to love me as I am.
It feels scary.
But every time I talk about it, it loses power and I open myself up to receive love. And I didnโt die. ๐๐ผ
Last night I led a meeting and talked about why I donโt like dealing with groups.
I want to figure out what every one wants and expects from me and give them that thing. Itโs how I win their friendship and love.
Pretty sure that behavior has got me into a world of trouble.
@sobermb It would be excellent if I could throw off the yoke of people pleasing and pursue my own goals without regard. For me, this is about progress not perfection. Odaat. I donโt have pursue learning the opinion of me held by others. Itโs distracting and ultimately means little. ๐๐ผ
@daveglass1 Sobriety definitely forces a perspective shift. Iโve had moments of clarity that seemed transcendent but most have cultivated acceptance and grace. Iโm much better at dealing with hard things but I donโt notice that very often.
Iโm the last to realize how much and to what degree Iโve changed.
I get caught up in the challenge of the moment.
I never had a white light sparkling sudden transformation.
I do tiny things differently everyday and over time Iโve grown into a new version of myself. #ODAAT
@sobermb Donโt get me wrong. I was untoward mostly and uncouth the other hours of the day. I just felt like it was between me and whomever I was cavorting with.
I led a life of intrigue such that no one knew each other and no one really knew me. ๐๐๐
In other words...crazy.
I changed my kitten avatar to a real photo of a real woman, that happens to be me. I donโt need to hide anymore. Iโm not ashamed because Iโm pretty sure my story could help someone else. #xa#aa
@mthafckinest Well we havenโt interacted in a while so maybe youโve cultivated a penchant for oceanic danger??
You were the very first person I interacted with here when I had like 20 days. So...youโre important to me in a weird internet kind of way. ๐
@mthafckinest ๐๐๐ปโโ๏ธ
Just surfing the waves of life! Probably wonโt kill me. Might be incredible. Gotta say yes and do the scary thing and see what kind self I can be. I donโt know. Itโs been hot. Maybe Iโm losing my mind. Losing my steel to say -no- ๐๐ผ