AnchoringTheHome

Malia is a military spouse, homeschooling mama to 2 boys, autism mom, small business owner, and aspiring blogger. Enjoy the chaos that is our daily life.

[AnchoringTheHome @AnchoringHome]

Therapist: And how is your sleep health?

Me: *blank stare* ma'am I have a newborn and chronic anxiety. It's not great.

[AnchoringTheHome @AnchoringHome]

Just poured my coffee syrup straight into my jar of fresh coffee grounds instead of my coffee cup. So clearly pregnancy has me functioning in top form this morning.

[AnchoringTheHome @AnchoringHome]

Nothing is more condescending than the pictures in assembly guides for baby gear with the words "snap! Click!" I assure you...they do not simply "snap! Click!"

[AnchoringTheHome @AnchoringHome]

I'm pretty sure at this point, my bladder refills every time I swallow my own saliva. #thirdtrimesterproblems

[AnchoringTheHome @AnchoringHome]

No one prepares you for the part of motherhood when your 8 yo decides to walk down the dark hallway in your otherwise silent home early in the morning whispering, "Neeeed braaaaaaainssssssss. Eeeeeat braaainsssss." Where's that chapter in What to Expect When You're Expecting?

[AnchoringTheHome @AnchoringHome]

It's 2021. Everything with a door should come standard with a soft close option and everything that beeps should have a disable option.

Signed,

Moms everywhere trying to make coffee without waking their kids on the weekend

[AnchoringTheHome @AnchoringHome]

"Oh. Oh geeze. What happened in here? Yep that is clogged. MOM! SOMEONE NOT ME CLOGGED THE TOILET!" Good morning to all.
Signed,
A #boymom

[AnchoringTheHome @AnchoringHome]

Ordered pizza and a new two piece swimsuit within 15 minutes. I could say it's because I'm a super confident body positive modern woman...but it's really that I'm a hangry pregnant woman that has cravings and is over this summer heat already but have kids who love the water/sun.

[AnchoringTheHome @AnchoringHome]

This morning 7yo put on a muscle compression tank and declared we were going to the park after OT to do some "training". It is still unclear what we will be training for. I put on tennis shoes and wore leggings in preparation anyway. 🤷‍♀️

#momofboys #thingsmykidsays

[AnchoringTheHome @AnchoringHome]

"I'm cleaning up my mess...both of them!" And other things you never want to wake up to hearing your child say.

#parenting #funnymommy #parentingtweets #thingsmykidssay

[AnchoringTheHome @AnchoringHome]

Me driving on the interstate: 🎶I have died every day waiting for you🎶 MERGE ALREADY 🎶Darling, don't be afraid...🎶

#roadragekaraoke #carkaraoke #funnymommy

[AnchoringTheHome @AnchoringHome]

I thought I was raising two human boys. I have just been informed I was incorrect. I am in fact raising a parkour penguin and a parkour chicken.

#thingsmykidssay #boymom #momofboys #chaoscoordinator #parenting #momlife

[AnchoringTheHome @AnchoringHome]

If you're not suddenly bizarrely concerned about the state of your baseboards that no one cares about the rest of the year, is it even the holidays? Asking for a friend.

[AnchoringTheHome @AnchoringHome]

Friday nights when you're nearly 30 apparently look like a bath & body works stress relief candle, Netflix, and white fudge covered oreos.

[AnchoringTheHome @AnchoringHome]

Any other moms not realize Daylight savings happened overnight until they had kids waking them up at 5 AM the morning after a full moon halloween?! Why does 2020 hate us?!

#funnymommy #parentingtweets #Halloween2020 #mommyneedscoffee

[AnchoringTheHome @AnchoringHome]

Me: *talking about making grocery list*

6yo: let me go ask brother what kind of ice cream he wants for the party!

Me: why are we having a party?

6yo: we're getting ice cream. That's a reason for a party!

Solid reasoning.

[AnchoringTheHome @AnchoringHome]

6yo: I am a mighty warrior! ...... Maybe!

[AnchoringTheHome @AnchoringHome]

7yo: can we just take the day off?

Me: From what?

7yo: Like...everything.

#mood

[AnchoringTheHome @AnchoringHome]

7yo creating a D&D character with his dad: "I wanna be a hermit! And be able to speak to animals so I can be friends with all of them. Basically, I want to be the same as me in real life!"

He does have some of me in him after all! 😂

[AnchoringTheHome @AnchoringHome]

6 yo: sometimes bad things just happen. *karate chops brother*

Me: I don't think that just happened.

6 yo: it did. You saw it JUST happen! Just now!

I just wanted 20 more minutes of sleep...