Andrew J. Riggs

certified hater of the elderly

[Andrew J. Riggs @AndrewJRiggs]

:(

[JT @jiratickets]

asked my grandpa what he thinks about the new spotify logo and he told me he saw a man get run over by an M4 sherman tank and pulverized into jelly in korea. the rain diluted his remains into the mud and his existence was erased from history in just a few minutes

[matt ༼ ◕_◕ ༽🇵🇸 @GhostStoriesEnd]

There’s a decent chance there was an office comedian in the north or south tower who said “They can’t park that here”

[Noah @decemberhunting]

If you're looking for a sign this is it: You died in a car accident 6 years ago.

[Andrew J. Riggs @AndrewJRiggs]

List of things George Harrison didn’t survive:
•Cancer

[connie🥨 @harripaws]

List of things George harrison survived
•Being stabbed 40 times
•Being hit by a double decker bus
•Getting into a near fatal car accident
•Being shocked by a microphone not once but twice.
•Nephritis
•Chronic tonsillitis
•Throat cancer
•Hepatitis
•Strep throat

[Wing 🏳️‍⚧️ @w1ngsoffiregirl]

"aw man this dark souls game is really hard i wonder how i will avoid the bosses attacks"

the ever helpful fred durst:

[matt @mattybtweets69]

They call the song Don’t Fear The Reaper but then they go and add that scary part in the middle

[Andrew J. Riggs @AndrewJRiggs]

Yall ever wonder if John Lennon regretted writing this?

[Andrew J. Riggs @AndrewJRiggs]

Convinced all the people on my IG would post “but what about his kids 🥺” over Hitler offing himself

[hope hopes hoping @hopes_revenge]

gf says because we got chinese yesterday we can’t get it again today. i don’t think that makes sense . they do it in china all the time

[Andrew J. Riggs @AndrewJRiggs]

My life just like Ratatouille but instead of a fancy French restaurant it’s Waffle House and instead of a rat assisting me in cooking elegant meals it’s just me being like “would you like some grits”?

[Andrew J. Riggs @AndrewJRiggs]

@Jemidex But perhaps?

[boob dylan @BYUsupersoaker]

whenever someone tells me they got a DUI i ask them what song they were listening to & i’ve compiled a playlist with everyone’s song so far

[NRM84 @Mappy6984]

I wasn’t ready for the backup vocals

[Andrew J. Riggs @AndrewJRiggs]

I have never been more excited for a movie I KNOW I’m gonna fucking hate

[Netflix @netflix]

Adam Sandler is back in his happy place. Happy Gilmore 2 arrives July 25.

[Andrew J. Riggs @AndrewJRiggs]

@lmaoitjason You did that shit early lmaoooo

[josh (oldfriend99) @oldfriend99]

Jake Paul will have to watch Mike Tyson closely. He will be trying to punch him

[Gale Na @poisonjr]

We need a leftist Andrew Tate. We need a leftist Fox News. We need a casino where you don't gamble and they give you free money. I refuse to understand the ecosystem I'm in the center of and I will not leave or modify my behavior. We need leftist McNuggets

[Jane Schoenbrun @sapphicspielbrg]

Going to see the new terrifier the clown movie tonight I am rly hoping he has worked on himself since the last one bc he was out of control

[Andrew J. Riggs @AndrewJRiggs]

This is why so many celebrities have died the last couple weeks. Several sacrifices had to be made in order for the second coming of Christ to arrive

[Pop Base @PopBase]

Kurt Cobain’s daughter, Frances Bean Cobain, and Tony Hawk’s son, Riley Hawk, announce they have welcomed their first child together.

A boy named Ronin Walker Cobain Hawk.

[Andrew J. Riggs @AndrewJRiggs]

The cure to anorexia is having a really pretty girl say “here comes the airplane” as she feeds you egg salad