Andrew Small

I'm in the high-fidelity first-class traveling set and I think I need a Lear jet

[Andrew Small @AndrewSmall1000]

@fesshole My dog knows where all the accident blackspots in my area are because I'm too tight to buy flowers for my wife.

[Andrew Small @AndrewSmall1000]

@BBCBreaking

[Andrew Small @AndrewSmall1000]

@Baddiel Put your feet in bags of water and freeze them. Frostbite will take care of the size difference.

[Andrew Small @AndrewSmall1000]

@fesshole At least you learned the difference between class A and first class.

[Andrew Small @AndrewSmall1000]

@OxideTwinjet @fesshole Not a bet I'd be willing to take.

[Andrew Small @AndrewSmall1000]

@fesshole Guerilla campanology

[Andrew Small @AndrewSmall1000]

@fesshole Don't clean them then.

Teenage son - "Mum, why does this cucumber smell like a fishmonger's bin?"

[Andrew Small @AndrewSmall1000]

@caitlinmoran I really despise the third 'g' in the word 'leggings'. There, I said it.

[Andrew Small @AndrewSmall1000]

@BBCNews It's fun to stay at the YMCAA

[Andrew Small @AndrewSmall1000]

@amandaknox Think it makes him a bit of a cont..

[Andrew Small @AndrewSmall1000]

@beardySM @fesshole She saw one chunky penis and the girl got scared
She said "my dad's the creepy bloke with the boner over there"

[Andrew Small @AndrewSmall1000]

@richardosman A Touch of Frost. There, I said it.

[Andrew Small @AndrewSmall1000]

@fesshole My German wife dropped all our sausages and trod on them while marching. Links wrecked. Links wrecked. Links wrecked.

[Andrew Small @AndrewSmall1000]

@BBCNews

[Andrew Small @AndrewSmall1000]

@NickMao42 Saying "WWW" takes three times more syllables than saying "world wide web". This is why we can't trust UU.

[Andrew Small @AndrewSmall1000]

@fesshole Regularly go back to 2022 on Google Street View to see my car parked outside your Mum's home.

[Andrew Small @AndrewSmall1000]

@fesshole If the other uncle used to do 'special cuddles' with you then I have some bad news for you...

[Andrew Small @AndrewSmall1000]

@fesshole