Andrew Brown

Developer of short perfect Twitter bios. They are so amazing, they can be used on your tombstone... Just like this one. These thoughts are my own.

[Andrew Brown @Andrew__Brown]

Did you know: When you shake a box of Lucky Charms, the marshmallows all float to the top?

Did you know: When you shake a box of Raisin Bran, the raisins all sink to the bottom?

Did you know: I am developing a new breakfast cereal called Lucky Bran®️?

[Andrew Brown @Andrew__Brown]

Two very unrelated news items for today:

1. My daughter is now in highschool.

2. I’m taking an interest in harpoons. No real reason. I just think having a couple sharp harpoons around the house is a good idea… Just in case I need to show them off to “visitors”.

[Andrew Brown @Andrew__Brown]

While I admire how amazing fireflies are in the night, I also wish we had more glowing creatures in the forest. Like glowing squirrels, or glowing owls, or even glowing bears.… how cool would that be?

[Andrew Brown @Andrew__Brown]

Haliburton just got it’s new (and only) drive-thru car wash up and running this morning. It’s at the corner of Victoria St and 118. Look for the pylons!!

[Andrew Brown @Andrew__Brown]

Egg prices are finally starting to fall! Just in time for Cadbury Cream Egg season, too!

[Andrew Brown @Andrew__Brown]

I have some good news and bad news:

Good news: The ice cream survived the power outage.
Bed news: The kids are aware of the good news

[Andrew Brown @Andrew__Brown]

My coffee pot drips when I pour too fast. But it also pours too slow when I pour too slow.

[Andrew Brown @Andrew__Brown]

My ability to appear as if I am in deep intelligent thought is only surpassed by the frequency of being perplexed by ridiculously simple concepts.

[Andrew Brown @Andrew__Brown]

Every time I tell my wife she is right, I am also right.

[Andrew Brown @Andrew__Brown]

As far as phalanges go toes are the worst

[Andrew Brown @Andrew__Brown]

Nothing gets these kids to eat more food than telling them it’s bedtime.

[Andrew Brown @Andrew__Brown]

I think J-Lo should be a spokes person for Jello.

[Andrew Brown @Andrew__Brown]

Stepping it up a couple notches. The milk and Oreo was so 2022… this new trend is to the moon! @ Stothart Creek https://t.co/bOuEtHLaEn

[Andrew Brown @Andrew__Brown]

Biggest regret of 2022: All the snow shoveling we did in the last week.

[Andrew Brown @Andrew__Brown]

I’m inventing a new type of daily planner for the new year. But instead of writing down all your plans, you write down all your schemes. It’s called the Daily Schemer.

[Andrew Brown @Andrew__Brown]

3am Christmas tip:

Be the last one to bring out your gifts for everyone else. At that point, hopefully they will all be asleep and will only have an hour or so in the morning to mock your wrapping efforts… instead of two full days like last year.

[Andrew Brown @Andrew__Brown]

Dear teachers:

All of my kids have thoroughly enjoyed school this week far more than normal. Whatever you are doing this week (or even not doing this week), please keep it up.

[Andrew Brown @Andrew__Brown]

Wild turkeys are a strange bunch.

When you see 2 to 5 of them, it’s is called a pack. 6 to 12 is called a gang. 12 to 50 is called a brood. 50 or more it’s called an uprising. But just 1 lone turkey out on its own is called suspicious.

[Andrew Brown @Andrew__Brown]

Things I wished I knew before I started parenting:

The amount of fights revolving around Toaster Strudel will knock your socks off.

[Andrew Brown @Andrew__Brown]

There is an alternate universe where tomatoes are common in fruit salads.