Jordan Calm

Cheese & Crackers

[Jordan Calm @AndroidBlood]

People who live outside of the Bay Area really really like telling me how much crime happens here. I wasn’t aware I was living in a Mad Max style wasteland.

[Jordan Calm @AndroidBlood]

@bondigiorno Wow they were like “just slap an early 2010s filter on it and be done with it”.

[Jordan Calm @AndroidBlood]

@jetsam I definitely turned it up when this came on. Crap. Oh well.

[Jordan Calm @AndroidBlood]

Ohhh god. I’m listening to Limp Bizkit unironically. The nü metal teenager that faded away in 1999 is gaining strength.

[Jordan Calm @AndroidBlood]

@bondigiorno Lol why do I know exact what you mean

[Jordan Calm @AndroidBlood]

@catatonicyouths Pffft please… he’s not even covered in blood and eating his own shit. What a poser.

[Jordan Calm @AndroidBlood]

Logged on to hive recently, it’s hella poppin off over there. The last person to post was a month ago.

[Jordan Calm @AndroidBlood]

@scharpling will we ever see Dumb Dave in the Afternoon again?

[Jordan Calm @AndroidBlood]

@jasminebluh I LOVE Todd Barry!

[Jordan Calm @AndroidBlood]

@jasminebluh yo! got any more them book recommendations?

[Jordan Calm @AndroidBlood]

@jasminebluh I’m not on goodreads but maybe I should. I’m near a bookstore right now. I’m going to pick up ur recommendations after dinner.

[Jordan Calm @AndroidBlood]

@jasminebluh I’m up for anything except sci-fi or fantasy (wizards and shit).

[Jordan Calm @AndroidBlood]

I jumped out of my chair when this happened.

[Jordan Calm @AndroidBlood]

I dreamt I had abs. That was it, that was the whole dream.

[Jordan Calm @AndroidBlood]

Some guy with his instagram name plastered over his car cut me off so now I have to catfish him, make him fall in love with my fake instagram persona and crush him. I am prepared to dedicate 6-8 months of my life to do this.

[Jordan Calm @AndroidBlood]

Working out is a scam. Not trying to do this more than once.

[Jordan Calm @AndroidBlood]

My only New Year's resolution is to continue to eat more phallic foods.

[Jordan Calm @AndroidBlood]

Please don't make me google that one dude that's getting dunked on right now. I'm just going to go ahead and believe he's a professional pants shitter.

[Jordan Calm @AndroidBlood]

@jasminebluh Heey I’m on it too. Find me (adville).

[Jordan Calm @AndroidBlood]

If they open and close out their show with this sick track then MAYBE I’ll see them.

[Jordan Calm @AndroidBlood]

Thank goodness I was able to see Blink 182 twenty years ago during their gigantic dickie shorts era. Not sure if I can pull the trigger on seeing them now for $300 in the nosebleeds rocking out to songs about buttholes and boogers.