Andres

It’s just one rock bottom after another. Contributor to @flexxmag and @reductress Comedy writer 🙄

[Andres @Andvanant]

A Reductress wrap-up! These are some of my favorite headlines that I wrote of 2023! Here's to a hectic year for me and here's to the brief illusion of control I have that 2024 will be better!

[Andres @Andvanant]

Many of you know I don't handle conflict well but not many know I also don't handle things going great well either

[Andres @Andvanant]

If Ouji Boards are so haunted why doesn't Hasbro just stop making them?

[Andres @Andvanant]

6 years sober :)

[Andres @Andvanant]

I’m thirty days sober so now if you say I’m wasted make sure you put “potential” after it.

[Andres @Andvanant]

This but unironically

[Andres @Andvanant]

I'm sort of the Marie Kondo of human relationships

[Andres @Andvanant]

I've had 'piqued-in-high school' energy since middle school

[Andres @Andvanant]

Pretty sure you and I are soul mates type shi 😞

[Andres @Andvanant]

Mia Goth talks like a possessed British doll

[Andres @Andvanant]

Nobody ever asks how the wild things are 😞

[Andres @Andvanant]

Really Donald, :/.
Was the fifa peace prize for nothing :/

[Andres @Andvanant]

I'm mean to everyone I meet because then every relationship has the chance to turn into an enemies-to-lovers romance

[Andres @Andvanant]

What's interesting is that it's actually Frankenstain and we're all just remembering it wrong

[Andres @Andvanant]

Paul Thomas Anderson writing Licorice Pizza be like: We open on a down-on-her-luck pedophile

[Andres @Andvanant]

This is going to ruffle some feathers but I deserve to be a character in Fortnite

[Andres @Andvanant]

White people really ate with the name Logan, huh?

[Andres @Andvanant]

Intermission's my favorite part of a play. Get to piss. Check my phone. All the things I love to do.

[Andres @Andvanant]

Don't know what this guy's name is but that's genuinely the worst bunny I've ever seen

[Buzzing Pop @BuzzingPop]

Bad Bunny hurts his knees mid-performance during his Puerto Rico concert.

🎥: Rosa Pilates

[mugshawtys @mugshawtys]

3rd degree felony criminal mischief and criminal trespass (turned herself in in response to two active warrants)

[Andres @Andvanant]

I have so many microplastics in my body that I have to pay tariffs every time I leave the country

[Andres @Andvanant]

Revenge bod but it's because of a crush I never asked out 😈