Andy Fuckin' Turk

What's your favorite part, Mortz?

[Andy Fuckin' Turk @AndyFuckinTurk]

What's your favorite part, Mortz?

[Andy Fuckin' Turk @AndyFuckinTurk]

"Some folks inherit star spangled eyes
Ooh, they send you down to war, Lord"

[Andy Fuckin' Turk @AndyFuckinTurk]

Snoke was an unimaginative, unoriginal, dumbass waste of an all-powerful, lightning-handed, Dark/Sith Lord.

If I had those universe spanning dark Sith Lord powers, FIRST THING I'd do with them:
Confuse the fuck outta my cat! He'd never see it coming!

[Andy Fuckin' Turk @AndyFuckinTurk]

"Some folks are born silver spoon in hand
Lord, don't they help themselves, oh..."

[Andy Fuckin' Turk @AndyFuckinTurk]

"Sometimes a swinging dick, with a laser dick, just ain't gonna dick it."
Wise words from -@ThatKevinSmith on Episode 203 of his Fatman On Batman podcast.

Go listen to it now, I'll wait.

[Andy Fuckin' Turk @AndyFuckinTurk]

@MASSINACTION Yea, I was really feeling E & F last night tho. The twins did help pass the ungodly slow moving time tho.

[Andy Fuckin' Turk @AndyFuckinTurk]

I was volunteering for dirty, shitty hardcore cleaning duty yesterday damnit. Too little, too late.

[Andy Fuckin' Turk @AndyFuckinTurk]

You know you're fucked when the boss says "I hope you wanted to get good & dirty today".

Yes, I'm wearing 1 of my only 2 decent looking pairs of jeans & my beloved Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers t-shirt bc I wanted nothing more than to be covered in filth & grime within the hour.

[Andy Fuckin' Turk @AndyFuckinTurk]

Live-tweeting a long & treacherous driver on roads that nature has fucked to death is probably...
A] not helping
B] really dangerous
C] you've met me, you know I don't care
D] not interesting, but not totally boring
E] who cares, gotta die someday!
F] all of the above

[Andy Fuckin' Turk @AndyFuckinTurk]

Cigarette.

I need a cigarette.

I NEED ALL THE CIGARETTES!

[Andy Fuckin' Turk @AndyFuckinTurk]

OMG I just wanna go 65 at least! It's like some kind of wicked stress\limits of sanity test!

It's all just white & shitty as hell.
Grounds white, trees are white, the fucking air & sky is fucking WHITE!

All the while impeding my ability to drive like the asshole I am.

Damnit!

[Andy Fuckin' Turk @AndyFuckinTurk]

Well, it took until ten to 1a.m. but something finally, & I mean FUCK-ING FI-NAL-LY, swung in my favor!

Just wish I didn't have to drive to Rome on god-damn unplowed 840, & what I'm positive is also completely unplowed, god-damn 233.

Update to follow on unplowed 234 prediction.

[Andy Fuckin' Turk @AndyFuckinTurk]

I finally took all the cat litter boxes from under my kitchen table & put'em on the side of my apartment, w/the trash.
Thats right, 17 boxes. It makes me look like the apathetic layabout I am, but its too funny not to share.
Enjoy, Landlord! Maybe pay the garbage bill next time.

[Andy Fuckin' Turk @AndyFuckinTurk]

Seems like every time I start a tweet with
"______ makes a happy Turk..."
It fails to post. I knew Twitter enjoyed my misery, but this is a bit much.

[Andy Fuckin' Turk @AndyFuckinTurk]

Food in the fridge makes a happy Turk!

Now I'm Off to McDonald's, cause a happy Turk can still be a lazy, financially irresponsible, stupid decision making Turk.

WHO DARES TO CLAIM OTHERWISE?!
#ArtisanRollMyAss

[Andy Fuckin' Turk @AndyFuckinTurk]

After work:
•Bank
•Post Office
•Blood Sacrifice in Buddy's name
•Grocery Store
•Murder A Hobo
•Cocktail At Mom's
•Bury hobo in mom's garden
•Abduct neighbor's pet
The usual routine. I really thought there was something else, something weird & unusual...#OhWell
#FuckItThen

[Andy Fuckin' Turk @AndyFuckinTurk]

@KillerTofu I found it all very exciting lol

[Andy Fuckin' Turk @AndyFuckinTurk]

Some days I want to sew my bullshit, asshole co-workers together ass-to-mouth, Human Centipede style. Then I'd march that fucking abomination through an allyway covered in broken glass & razor wire, leading it straight into 50 year old, VERY DULL, very rusty old woodchipper.

[Andy Fuckin' Turk @AndyFuckinTurk]

@Sagron_of_Akkad so I just watched your "white people dating sites" video, & I know one possible reason why they'd only allow heterosexual searches is to avoid homophobic people luring an unsuspecting homosexual to a violent beating. At least that's something I've heard.

[Andy Fuckin' Turk @AndyFuckinTurk]

Can't sleep at 3am? Get up and cook a dozen meatballs! Back to bed in ten...

[Andy Fuckin' Turk @AndyFuckinTurk]

I wanna go hooooooome.