Andrew Gilbert

Amateurishly Funny, Professionally Boring

[Piers Morgan @piersmorgan]

There’s a debate raging about whether Hamas beheaded babies or stabbed/shot them dead in their bedrooms, as if somehow one of these evil depraved acts of terrorism is less wicked than the other.
If you’re trying to argue this point, you’re a sick b*stard.

[Hillel Fuld @HilzFuld]

In case you didn’t hear the IDF spokesman, it begins…

Gaza is under complete lockdown. No one comes. No one leaves. The border is locked down. All passages are closed.

We have shut down their electricity. We have cleaned our towns and cities of any terrorists.

300,000 reserve soldiers have been drafted. The most ever.

And now we go on the offense.

The prayer for our solders is

“He Who blessed our forefathers Abraham, Isaac and Jacob - may He bless the fighters of the Israel Defense Force, who stand guard over our land and the cities of our God from the border of the Lebanon to the desert of Egypt, and from the Great Sea unto the approach of the Aravah, on the land, in the air, and on the sea.

May Hashem cause the enemies who rise up against us to be struck down before them. May the Holy One, Blessed is He, preserve and rescue our fighting men from every trouble and distress and from every plague and illness, and may He send blessing and success in their every endeavor.

May He lead our enemies under their sway and may He grant them salvation and crown them with victory. And may there be fulfilled for them the verse: For it is Hashem, your God, Who goes with you to battle your enemies for you to save you.

Now let us respond: Amen.”

Here we go.

The blood of our brothers and sisters will be avenged and that starts now!

[Borriss @_Borriss_]

Less than 31 hours since OpenAI started dropping the ChatGPT vision feature on pro users...

People are scratching their heads in disbelief.

10 wild examples:

[Stephen L. Miller @redsteeze]

Hey just like a big boy. Look at the big boy wearing big boy clothes.

[James May @MrJamesMay]

Who, the bloody hell, puts the milk in the bowl first and then the cornflakes?

Just seen this happen and it disturbed me.

[Kara Zupkus @kara_kirsten]

"Name. One. Study."

@RepDanCrenshaw corners Dem witness on her support of gender transition for children – and she can't name a single study that states the benefits of transgender procedures on kids! 🔥

[Wall Street Mav @WallStreetMav]

Biden with closed caption is the best Biden 😂

🔊

[Andrew Smith @AndrewSmithClub]

I want a GOP president who's competent enough in hiring people smart enough to outmaneuver Disney. Because memes aren't going to get things like this done. Does anyone believe Trump will get top talent to work for him after seeing how he thrashes his previous hires?

[Holly Thornton 🐘🏈 @beachmamax2]

Just so we’re clear…
The top 3 REPUBLICAN Governors in the country-DeSantis, Youngkin, & Kemp, are people Trump has attacked, & all have approval ratings that continue to climb.
Youngkin & Kemp are from states w 2 Dems for Senators.

Either you want to win in 2024 or you don’t.

[Charles C. W. Cooke @charlescwcooke]

Progressives consider Trump to be a menace whose mendacity must not be amplified *right* up until he says something dishonest that they happen to like politically—at which they point they all blast his nonsense around the Internet as if it were the word of Moses.

[Andrew Gilbert @AndyNGilbert]

Let's goooo!!!!! Chiefs!!!!!

[Andrew Gilbert @AndyNGilbert]

@Coach_Perkins That's exactly how mine look.

[James May @MrJamesMay]

Good newwwws.

[Scott Lincicome @scottlincicome]

If BdB didn't exist, it would be necessary for economists to invent him.

[Jeremy Clarkson @JeremyClarkson]

Let us all go out tonight with joy in our hearts, knowing that tomorrow, it will be Wednesday.

[Andrew Gilbert @AndyNGilbert]

@AJP103 From a guy who has ordered a shameful amount of McNuggets, that was probably not the source of their folly.

[Jane Lynch @janemarielynch]

Hello everyone. Billionaires in wine caves have as much right to say who gets to be president as waitresses in diners and plumbers in my bathroom. Class warfare is ugly, @ewarren Thanks for listening everyone.

[Scott Lincicome @scottlincicome]

I didn't suffer. I voluntarily decided that my law school education was worth a LOT of debt, voluntarily signed the loan contracts, and then spent 15 post-JD yrs working to fulfill my debt obligations.

[Al Yankovic @alyankovic]

My daughter got her driver’s license yesterday. (Sorry, this is the most recent picture of her I could find.)

[Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien]

True love is going through all 30 pages of my wedding album and using a Sharpie to blacken my orange Crocs.