andy

9•27•15

[andy @Andyv789]

Draft horse? I prefer bottled, thank you.

[Comrade JPC @JPsoFLY]

here's an idea: how about instead of a "big sigh" from my wife when she's about to hear a very funny joke, she says "yay! a joke!"

[andy @Andyv789]

Oh you whisper sweet nothings into your girl's ear? I whisper sweet everythings into mine.

[andy @Andyv789]

You know bald chefs are the real deal because they can't be ratatouilled

[andy @Andyv789]

Half the reason to go grocery shopping is finding out what the sick freaks at Digiorno are making.

[andy @Andyv789]

Who would win in a fight? Me or
an approaching black bear (time critical)

[HIDEO_KOJIMA @HIDEO_KOJIMA_EN]

Melons Mads

[andy @Andyv789]

Oblivion NPC: "I don't know you enough to tell you what happened to Carl.
*Gets told 15 jokes in 35 seconds*
"Yeah Carl stole from the castle the other day, so he's probably in the jail."

[andy @Andyv789]

Big shoutout to the nurse for telling me my blood pressure as if I have any earthly idea what any of the numbers mean.

[andy @Andyv789]

You think orthopedic doctors tell all their patients " i know this like the back of my hand"

[andy @Andyv789]

Gacha gamers will get the common cold 50 times because the legendary cold is a hot anime chick

[andy @Andyv789]

Bold of them to name it the Universal Serial Bus when we've barely been out of our solar system

[andy @Andyv789]

Being an adult is when you chose your cereal based on how much fiber there is instead of sugar

[andy @Andyv789]

How messed up would it be if Crest made a "for sensitive teeth" toothpaste, but it just made your teeth more sensitive

[andy @Andyv789]

How far has bouncy ball technology improved since we were kids?
Surely they can reach the troposphere by now.

[andy @Andyv789]

I think I'm allergic to bees because when i eat them my mouth gets swollen

[andy @Andyv789]

Nothing ruins your day more than getting a chip that is way too crunchy

[andy @Andyv789]

The story of Achilles wouldn't make sense nowadays because of our advancements in deep fryer basket technology

[andy @Andyv789]

Companies that make extra strength products should be legally required to make less strength versions.

[andy @Andyv789]

Has anyone ever checked if the little hourglass that comes with boggle is actually correct, or have we all been lied to for years?