Ryan

[Ryan @Angelicisight]

I see. I thought the power I had left in life meant something. Clearly, I was wrong about my sense of what I had and what was meaningful. I can accept now that I truly am powerless. This is a more clear explanation.

[Ryan @Angelicisight]

I am a little confused right now, but this is not confusing. It is true, and it is why I feel the way I feel and think the way I am thinking right now.

[Ryan @Angelicisight]

My judgment has been a total failure. I am deeply wrong in a way that just can’t be denied any longer. I truly have nothing left now. I can accept this, and I am sorry for being so wrong. I accept this shame. I deserve it.

[Ryan @Angelicisight]

@EliaStellaria I kept trying to remember your old name, and I finally found it. It was on accident though. I have to delete 1000s of emails because Gmail saves them in archive, and then my computer saves them, and I am running out of space. Well I stopped wanting to watch anyways though.

[Ryan @Angelicisight]

Today I am going to start fresh with my relationship with God. I preserve my historical relationship, but I am cleansing myself of unclear definitions and understandings. Today I follow the God of good judgment. This is my God, and I will build my understanding from here.

[Ryan @Angelicisight]

Well here is the nonsense I was referring to. It changes things in a way she doesn’t deserve. I already was holding back a lot because of a bunch of other things, but this opened my eyes to who is behind the changes in my feelings. I love to see how He loves.

[Ryan @Angelicisight]

I won’t share all of it, but I will say this. God gave Shina a dream today. That dream triggered her anger. That anger connected with my anger in a nonsensical way, and that connection enlightened me to a very deep problem. Now I am grateful to Shina in a way she doesn’t deserve.

[Ryan @Angelicisight]

I’ll say this here. God clearly loves Shina a lot more than me. The plans I had for our relationship were so much more terrible, but it was true to my feelings. God has quietly changed the narrative, and it amazes me how much He protects her and wants to take care of her.

[Ryan @Angelicisight]

Proverbs 29:25 (ESV)
25 The fear of man lays a snare,
but whoever trusts in the LORD is safe.

When we separate the fear of the Lord from religion, we create a vacuum and an abuse against God Himself. In this vacuum fear is still natural, but it becomes a trap.

[Ryan @Angelicisight]

I need to separate myself from past motivations to keep living. I realize they come from a lack of awareness to my own corruption. Hopefully things with Shina keep working out. Otherwise, I am completely alone and feeling totally sad.

[Ryan @Angelicisight]

@HZshizuku I think it is impossible to care about humanity when you become an idol to people. So this is probably what I thought earlier about centers of attention. Every care is fake or taken away from your soul with time.

[Ryan @Angelicisight]

@HZshizuku It’s different from what’s normal from you. That’s nice. I feel like you don’t care about me anymore. I guess that sort of thing makes sense. I don’t know what to do now though.

[Ryan @Angelicisight]

@EliaStellaria I need to get back into writing more. I feel so behind. Oh well. I will try to remember and organize what I need to write out next.

[Ryan @Angelicisight]

@EliaStellaria Apples are a very easy source of fiber. It is hard to find fiber in the diet without beans. Even whole what bread is only 8 grams through a sub, so apples are an easy 5 grams. I have been trying to eat healthier, and the hardest thing has been fiber.

[Ryan @Angelicisight]

@EliaStellaria I was super depressed today. I had a hard work day, and then I do prep for studying. So I study Genki 1, and every 3 lessons I do big review. So L1-L3, nowL4-L6, and I was so depressed how much I forgot. But I finished prep. So I guess I am okay now sort of.

[Ryan @Angelicisight]

@extraemilyy @Crunchyroll Today I lost my Japanese teacher because of trouble from Shina, but she has a friend who may be able to help teach me so hopefully that works out for the best.

[Ryan @Angelicisight]

@EliaStellaria I’m happy with the hypocrisy email. It covered my concerns very clearly. Well, it could still be hard to understand for you, but the documentation is settled. That is good. I am glad because hypocrisy is a very serious concern. I want it covered properly.

[Ryan @Angelicisight]

@PopBase This is probably the funniest thing of 2026 to me. She is so weird lol.

[Ryan @Angelicisight]

@EliaStellaria I guess it is okay, but I am very sad still.

[Ryan @Angelicisight]

@EliaStellaria I am crying a little now. I didn’t know I caused this much pain. I feel very bad now. This was a person I met in Lofi chat room. Lofi Girl. In 2020. I am so sad. I don’t know if she will want to keep talking now, but I always liked her a lot. I feel too sad.